


Meet Me In The Grey Of Twilight

by Alakuriel



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Happily Ever After, Never underestimate a droid, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pregnancy, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Baby, Smut, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker AU, The Force Ships It, Unplanned Pregnancy, What-If, balancing the force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:47:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22577293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alakuriel/pseuds/Alakuriel
Summary: What if more happened in the throne room than what we saw? How might it have changed things?Rey learns she's pregnant with Ben's child a few weeks after Crait, and it changes everything.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 318
Kudos: 882
Collections: Kudos folder





	1. Chapter 1

So... she may not have been _entirely_ honest with the Resistance about all that had led to her timely rescue on Crait.

It wasn't that she wanted to lie to them, but there were ultimately some things they didn't need to know. Some things they were better off not knowing. And some things that were really just none of their business.

They didn't really need to know that the legendary Luke Skywalker had run off to an uncharted planet to die alone with his shame, for example. They didn't need to know he had cut himself off from the Force, or that he hadn't wanted to train her at all. They certainly didn't need to hear of his derision for the Jedi Order.

Leia, at least, probably deserved - _needed_ \- to know that it had ultimately been her brother who created Kylo Ren, but Rey hadn't been able to find the words to tell her yet. The secret had been kept for _so long_ , and was it even really her secret to tell? Was that her decision to make? ...Would Leia even believe her, if she told her? (And was that how Ben had felt, all those years ago? Had he wanted to tell them what happened, wanted to go home, but kept quiet out of fear that he wouldn't be believed by his own parents? That they would believe the Legend over their struggling son?)

The Resistance certainly didn't need to know about the Bond she barely understood. About all the times the Force had connected her to the Enemy, and the conversations they'd had. (She didn't really believe that one, knew it presented a potential security risk, but found herself repeating it to herself so often she could at least pretend for a bit, because what if it caused them to throw her out? They were her family now, her friends, and she couldn't bear to leave them - not to mention she had nowhere else to go. If they kicked her out, she couldn't protect them and keep them safe.) They didn't need to know about the promise they'd made to each other, about the feel of his hand touching hers.

They did need to know she'd had a vision. That she'd at least seen something that made her believe she could bring Ben back to the Light. But perhaps not that Luke had been against it. If she let them believe he'd supported her decision, well... that just made her human, didn't it? It stung enough to have been so wrong - did she really have to admit how stupid she'd been to _everyone_?

She let them know that Snoke was dead, of course, along with his guards. That B-- that Kylo Ren had been involved. That was vital information. If a certain lack of details had caused them all to assume _she_ had been the one to take out the Supreme Leader... Well, she could always correct them later, if need be. But for now, it didn't feel like hers to share. (She was still protecting him, whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not.)

What had happened once the last of the Praetorian Guard was dead was _definitely_ none of their business. Not at all. And neither was his following offer and heart-felt plea. They didn't need to know her heart had finally been broken by a man just as lost and lonely as she was.

They did need to know that Kylo Ren planned to assume control of the First Order, if he hadn't already. How she had ultimately escaped to be picked up by Chewie, just in time to help them all on Crait.

Leia and her friends needed to know what had happened to her lightsaber, of course. There would be no avoiding the questions, and she didn't _want_ to keep secrets. Rey _hated_ the feeling of lying to her family, of withholding, and she offered this truth up gladly, as though it might help make up for all those she _wasn't_ providing.

But really, some of it was just none of their business.

Now if only _she_ could believe that...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: There's kind of a tiny reference to potential non-con/rape in this chapter, in the form of Leia checking to make sure Rey WASN'T. But that's it. Take care of yourselves, guys!
> 
> Also, there is a tiny bit of a smut flashback/dream. Enjoy! ;)

His impossibly large hands slid from her waist to her hips, guiding her movements as he sank into her again and again, their bodies moving together as though they had been _made_ for this. The initial pain of his intrusion had dissipated, leaving nothing behind but a heady pleasure the likes of which she hadn't even known existed, hadn't realized was possible, and only continued to build inside of her until she was keening with need, desperate for something she somehow knew he could provide her. His fingers were digging into her hips, his grip so strong (so desperate) that she knew they would leave a tapestry of bruises across her skin as he increasingly lost control, and she _reveled_ in it, in the thought of him leaving his mark on her, of having some visual evidence of what they'd done to reflect upon and admire later. Rey had never realized before how _empty_ she was without him filling her (and he filled her _so well_ , she was _so full_ , and it was _so good_ ), she never wanted to go without this again, never wanted to be parted from him, never wanted this to end, and then one of his hands was abandoning her hips to instead rub against a magical spot he had found earlier, and _oh stars, but nothing had EVER felt so good, and--_

Rey woke with a cry, gasping for breath, her body trembling with need as it was denied its explosive ending at the last possible second. A sound caught somewhere between need and despair escaped her, and her own hand instinctively reached down to that same spot to try to finish the job and provide some sort of release, but her own inexpert fumblings only provided further frustration. The tears came then, as they so often (so easily) did when she was alone these days.

She missed him, and not merely his touch. She missed talking to him, missed simply having him close (in a manner of speaking, anyway), missed feeling him through the bond they shared. Yet she didn't dare lower the walls she'd erected around her mind, didn't dare reach out to him. Not after the way they had parted. Not when he was so determined to see her and the Resistance hunted down and eradicated once and for all.

Eventually (finally), she managed to get her tears and body under control, managed to force herself to get up. She was tired still, but she always seemed to be tired these days. There was work to be done, and she was needed. She was the last Jedi, the spark of hope that kept the Resistance going, whether she wanted to be or not - she was always needed.

The Resistance definitely hadn't needed to know what was still dribbling down the inside of her thighs as she lifted rocks to free them all those weeks ago. Definitely not. Not even the medical droid that had taken care of the cut on her arm and her bruised ribs had needed to know anything about that.

And certainly nobody needed to know just how clueless she still felt about all that had transpired. How desperately she wished for a mother to ask about it, or to have taught her ahead of time. How much she wished she could ask Leia. But Ben was her son, and the very thought of trying to broach such a conversation was _mortifying_. Besides, Leia had the whole Resistance to run and rebuild, and Rey... well, she might think Rey had been compromised (and would she be entirely wrong?).

So Rey continued on as best she could, helping the Resistance get their latest base up and running, fixing old ships to replace the ones they'd lost, studying the books she'd taken (scavenged, stolen) from Ahch-to, and training under Leia's guidance. She made sure she was always present, always positive, always the shining beacon of hope they needed her to be, her own needs suddenly seeming much less important.

* * *

"Rey? You okay down there?"

Rey jolted a bit in surprise as Rose's concerned voice startled her awake; she'd been working on repairing one of the old speeder's they'd found in the long-abandoned Rebel base, and had apparently managed to fall asleep while under the thing. Stars, what was wrong with her these days? She was better fed and rested, and her days far less strenuous than they'd ever been on Jakku, and yet she'd never been so tired.

"Yeah, fine!" she quickly reassured, forcing a bit of pep into the words that she certainly wasn't feeling. "Just got distracted for a second, but I'm almost done!"

There was a slight pause before Rose responded, which left Rey feeling as though she hadn't bought it. Her new friend was kind and caring - and entirely too observant. But she was apparently willing to let it go for now, thank the stars.

"Great, because it's almost time for lunch!" Rose enthused; Rey didn't need to be able to see her at the moment to know a smile had spread across the young woman's face. Lunch time meant seeing Finn, after all - and Rey was happy for them, really she was, she just--

No. Don't start crying. Rose would _know_ if she started crying.

Forcing the tears back with sheer willpower, Rey finished up with the last few tweaks the speeder needed, then slid back out from under it, her own smile firmly in place. "Let's get going, then!"

Her day did not improve.

The entire base seemed abuzz with excitement as they made their way to the mess hall; apparently a shipment of fresh foodstuffs had finally arrived that morning, meaning this was likely to be their first rations-free meal since D'Qar. Speculation over what specifically might have been delivered, and what would be available for lunch, ran rampant. Rey began to feel a little excited, too - while she didn't mind rations (growing up on Jakku didn't exactly allow for discerning tastes), she did love the idea of getting to try some new foods. And almost everything was still new to her these days.

But then she and Rose were stepping into the busy mess hall, and meeting up with Finn and Poe, and--

Rey's hand flew up to her mouth as her stomach lurched. She was going to be sick. Not maybe going to be sick, either - _definitely_ going to be sick. Acting entirely on instinct now, she promptly whirled around and fled the room.

She did not make it to the 'fresher, but she did at least manage to get out of the busier hallways before she spilled the contents of her stomach into the nearest trash receptacle. It was not a pleasant experience, and she could feel tears streaming down her face as she clung to the stupid bin and continued to heave long after her stomach had been emptied.

A comforting hand came to rest on her back, rubbing in soothing circles as she slowly began to recover. Finn had followed her, because of course he had.

"Are you okay?" her first and best friend asked with obvious concern.

"Yeah," Rey lied, feeling positively _awful_. "Yeah, I'm okay," she reassured. "It was just that smell." It had been terrible - had something maybe gone wrong with lunch preparation?

"What smell?" Now Finn just sounded confused.

"You... you didn't smell it?" How could he not have smelled it? For that matter, why hadn't anyone else seemed bothered by it?

"No?"

"Oh."

Finn had no idea what she was talking about. And was now very obviously even more concerned than he'd been before. Kriff.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder as he took a good look at her.

It was really, _really_ hard to get used to this whole people checking up on her thing. Especially when she was meant to be providing hope. Being sick in a bin definitely wasn't the inspiration the Resistance needed just now.

"Did anyone else see?" Rey whispered, finding that she couldn't bring herself to look.

"No, Rey," he assured, albeit with some bafflement, "it's just us right now."

She really wished he would stop looking so concerned, she didn't know how to handle it. Nonetheless, she let out a small sigh of relief. "Good."

"Rey," Finn prompted, now with a bit more command in his tone (he really was doing so well here, with the Resistance - how could the First Order never have noticed his capacity for command?), "are you sure you're really okay?"

"I'm okay," she lied (again), forcing an admittedly rather weak smile. "Promise. I'm feeling better already. Just... think I might give lunch a skip today."

He was frowning at her, clearly not buying it, and clearly concerned.

"Please, Finn." She wasn't above begging, apparently. But she wanted nothing more in the galaxy than to escape back to her room right now, to rinse the awful taste out of her mouth and maybe just sit for a bit - which she could hardly do if he insisted on hauling her off to medical.

Now it was Finn's turn to sigh, and not with relief. "Okay," he relented. "But if it gets worse, promise me you'll go to medical." It wasn't a request. He was worried.

"I promise."

"Thank you." He hovered a bit, clearly uncertain what he should do next. "Would you like me to see if some toast or something can be sent to your room?"

Rey thought about it for a minute. Her stomach seemed relatively settled now. And she should probably try to eat something.

"Yeah," she relented, with a small smile of appreciation. "Yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks."

The trip back to her room was thankfully uneventful. She didn't even hear anyone talking about her flight from the mess hall along the way, and hoped that meant nobody else had really noticed. She got to rinse out her mouth, and eat some toast, and sit for a bit just like she'd wanted, though she ended up reading a bit more of the Jedi text she'd been working her way through out of sheer guilt for what felt like a waste of time.

She did not, however, go to medical when she got sick again. Surely it would pass on its own... right?

* * *

"Rey? Are you feeling alright?" an undeniably concerned Leia asked when they met up for her training two days later.

To be fair, Rey was getting rather concerned herself; she'd barely been able to keep anything down since that day at lunch. She was tired, and hungry, and her stomach was queasy, and her _nipples_ of all things hurt, and she really just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a few years, but the Resistance _needed_ her, and--

And she had never actually been sick before. She was finding the experience frightening and, while she'd never had a problem with going to medical for injuries, she found she didn't like the idea of going there now and letting anyone see her so _weak_.

"Just a bit tired," Rey reassured with a rather forced smile. For the amount of lying she was doing these days, she really wasn't very good at it. Ben would probably have something to say about it, if he knew. And she wasn't blocking him out.

Leia did not look convinced. But rather than argue the point, the general seemed content to merely stare at her with an expectant look in her eyes that was really rather unnerving. Like she already knew all of Rey's secrets and was just waiting for her to decide to come clean on her own.

Nobody had ever looked at her like that before, and she suddenly found herself close to tears for reasons that eluded even her. Panicking a little, Rey plastered a smile on her face and jumped to her feet, summoning her old staff to her hand, as though excited to get on with her training session.

Unfortunately, her staff didn't even manage to make it to her hand before the world began to spin and she found herself very decidedly headed towards the ground. Things got a bit confusing after that.

She didn't hit the ground, so presumably Leia had managed to catch her. Then there was some noise and fussing, and presumably other people, all punctuated by the calm tones of Leia Organa managing things (which left Rey feeling bizarrely safe and taken care of), and the next thing she knew she was waking up from a dream about his hands again. In medical. With Leia by her side.

Was this what having a mother was like?

"Is there anything you would like to tell me, Rey?" the older woman asked, not unkindly.

Rey could think of several things, really, but none of them were particularly relevant to her getting sick, which left her feeling both guilty and confused.

"Um... no?" she tried, a bit worried that this was in fact the wrong answer, but also clueless as to what the correct one was.

Leia's eyes seemed to soften a bit, and she gently took Rey's hand in her own.

"I have some news for you, dear. And whether you consider it good or bad news is entirely up to you, but I want you to know that I will be here for you either way."

Rey didn't think anyone had ever spoken to her quite so gently before. It was a bit terrifying, really, even if it did make her feel cared about. It didn't help that she still really didn't have any idea what was going on; in fact, she was rather starting to feel as though she was missing something that should've been obvious.

"Okay?" was about the best she could manage in response.

Leia gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, took a breath, and finally said, "You're going to have a baby."

Rey just... blinked at her. A lot. The words, on their own, made sense - but they also very definitely didn't. "What?"

"You're going to be a mother."

Rey stared at her. And stared. And stared some more.

She hadn't had much in the way of an education on Jakku, and the vast majority of what she had learned she had taught herself (how to read, for example). She didn't precisely know how babies happened, but she did know they grew in a woman's belly, and that having one was typically a death sentence on Jakku. But it probably wouldn't be here. Leia had had a baby, after all, and she was still alive. Rey also liked to think the general would be a bit more upset if she was announcing Rey's death sentence. So she probably wasn't going to die. But that still didn't really explain anything.

Leia gave her hand another reassuring squeeze, and Rey rather inexplicably found herself feeling as though she understood the problem.

"No one's ever had this talk with you before," the older woman observed; it wasn't even a question, really.

Rey could only shake her head. And for a moment, she saw genuine distress in Leia's eyes, which was then quickly overtaken by a protectiveness that she didn't really understand but somehow made her want to cry.

"Rey." Leia's tone was quiet, but urgent. "Shortly before you left Jakku, did a man there hurt you? Hold you down and do things you didn't want him to?"

Still feeling more than a little baffled by the whole thing, Rey shook her head. She had the strangest notion that the stately General Organa might actually be capable of murdering the perpetrator had she answered otherwise, and it was both unsettling (an odd way to end up remembering that this was not only Ben Solo's mother, but also Kylo Ren's) and oddly reassuring. She wasn't used to the idea of someone being willing to fight for her.

Leia's sigh was one of abject relief, as though a great weight had just been lifted from her shoulders. "Thank goodness, that should make this much easier to talk about," she confessed, even as her cheeks began to turn a bit pink. General Leia Organa-Solo, leader of the Resistance and hero of the Rebel Alliance, was blushing. Rey suddenly felt like maybe she didn't want to have this conversation after all, except that she was still very confused, and was apparently going to have a baby.

"About three months ago, according to the doctor, you spent some time with a man, yes?" Leia soldiered on. "You fit your bodies together to become one, and I hope managed to find pleasure together?"

Thoughts of Ben and his hands on her hips suddenly filled her mind, and now Rey was blushing too - and much less subtly. Unable to find her voice for the moment, she could only nod, and try not to think too much about what she'd gotten up to with this woman's son (kriffing hell, but this was embarrassing).

"Well, when not using a contraceptive of some sort, that kind of activity is what can lead to having a baby," the older woman finally clarified, then went on to add, "I'll send some more information about it to your datapad, in case you'd like to read more about it later."

Rey gave another nod. The world suddenly felt decidedly... unreal. She and Ben... had made a baby? And... and it was growing inside of her belly right now?

As her hand came to gently rest over the place she knew a baby would reside, Rey realized it wasn't as flat as it normally would've been. She had the beginnings of a teeny tiny bump. When her eyes came to meet Leia's again, they were full of wonder. She was going to have a baby.

Leia gave her a reassuring smile, along with another comforting little hand squeeze, before seeking to confirm, "Is this a good thing?"

"Yes," Rey breathed, the affirmation escaping her before she could even stop to think about it. The whole thing felt utterly unreal, but not in a bad way.

Another sigh of relief, and Leia's smile grew a bit more confident. "Would you like me to try to find the father for you?"

Confusion again. Why would Leia need to try to find him? The Supreme Leader of the First Order would obviously be with his fleet, and Rey was fairly certain they'd just recently received intel as to where they-- Then it hit her. The weird question about a man possibly hurting her on Jakku. Jakku, which she'd only left a little over a week before she and Ben...

Leia didn't know. And that was both a relief and... well... another lie. Because Leia was like the mother she'd never had, but she was going to have a _baby_ , and how could she possibly let the Resistance know that it was the Supreme Leader's?

She was going to be a _mother_. And she was going to keep her child safe.

They didn't need to know.

"No," she told her, finally sounding truly confident in her answer, "thank you."

Leia nodded in acquiesence, clearly not finding anything particularly significant about the answer. "Will you be keeping it?" she checked, both voice and expression utterly free of judgement.

Rey nodded, her hand still pressed protectively over her little bump.

She was going to have a baby.

"Then we'll make sure you're both taken care of," Leia promised her.

* * *

Rey found her workload considerably lightened after that, though much of the work she'd been doing before had never technically been assigned to her (she'd just wanted to be useful, to help, to prove herself). And somehow, whenever she found herself considering pushing herself even a little too hard, Leia always seemed to appear, requesting her presence.

She began taking her meals in the general's private quarters, in order to avoid any problematic smells in the mess hall. Specially prepared and smaller, more frequent meals also seemed to help her keep more food down, though she still felt rather queasy much of the time.

Her training became less physical, and more focused upon meditation and simply reading the Jedi texts. Neither of them had any real idea if Force-use could effect a developing baby, and neither of them wanted to risk it.

She spent a lot more time with Leia. The older woman's presence was comforting, and there was certainly no denying that they were getting closer. It also allowed her to keep her baby a secret from the rest of the base a little while longer.

Unfortunately, more time to rest also meant more time to think.

Rey really hadn't realized just how desperately she'd been avoiding that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone is wondering about the lack of any mention of Rey missing her period, I feel I should probably explain that pregnancy isn't the only reason a person can end up missing it - malnutrition and severe stress, among other things, can lead to missed periods too. Given Rey's life on Jakku, I'm working off the assumption that she's never actually had a reliably regular period, and thus didn't notice that anything was off when she missed a few.


	3. Chapter 3

Her parents had been no one. _She_ was no one.

She had been abandoned, sold for drinking money and left to a life of slavery without a second thought. No one had ever planned on coming back for her.

It hurt. But not as much as it should have.

_"Let the past die. Kill it if you have to."_

She should've had no place in this story. How could she have gone from being no one, to being the last Jedi? The last spark of hope the Resistance needed to keep the fire going? The scourge of the First Order, supposedly responsible for the death of Supreme Leader Snoke himself?

It was absurd, really. Most of the time she just felt like the lost, lonely little girl who'd been abandoned on Jakku. She wanted to be wanted, needed, loved. She wanted...

She wanted Ben. She wanted what she'd seen in that glimpse of their future. But she also wanted her friends to be safe. And the galaxy had made her choose. _He_ had made her choose.

She was being torn apart. And the mask of bravado and certainty she'd been hiding behind was wearing thin.

Yet still, that fiery spark of hope. She lost sight of it at times, but it never quite seemed to go out. So onward she went, desperately plodding along in the, well, _hope_ it would lead her where she was meant to be. One day.

Sooner rather than later would be nice, though. Especially now that she was going to have a baby. A wonderful, beautiful baby who would maybe have Ben's hair and her eyes, and who would always know what it was to be loved and cherished, and would _never_ be allowed to feel like they were no one.

And they did, at least, make one thing very clear. The little person growing inside of her came first in all things. Before her. Before him. Before the Resistance. Even before the galaxy.

* * *

She has to tell him. She knows this. Her little bump is growing, and she won't be able to keep it a secret forever; she's already fairly certain Rose has figured it out, though she hasn't said anything.

Instinct tells her that this is important. That it will matter. She needs to tell him herself, rather than leaving it to some First Order lackey to report the inevitable rumours that the Resistance's Jedi is expecting. That would hurt him, she can feel it in her very soul.

Rey trusts her instincts; they're what kept her alive all these years, what made her help BB-8, what got her off Jakku. But that doesn't mean she knows _how_ to tell him. The thought of letting the walls she's built around her mind down, of allowing their connection to flow through her again is terrifying. He had offered her the galaxy, and in return she had left him unconscious on a damaged ship (though not without first making sure he was okay, that he hadn't been too badly injured, that he wasn't in the path of the fire or in any other danger she could protect him from). As much as he'd hurt her in that room, she knew he would be hurting too. And angry. He would find it so much easier to be angry.

What if he refused to speak to her?

What if he didn't believe her?

_What if he didn't care?_ (He would care, she _knew_ this, but her fear didn't seem to care as it whispered to her in the quiet moments, making her doubt.)

She had mattered to him even when he didn't need her, wasn't relying on her for survival or purpose or keeping the spark of hope alive, and the thought of finding that she had lost that is more than she can bear.

Letting out a great sigh (mostly of frustration, with herself), Rey allowed herself to fall back against her bed. The fact of the matter was that she was afraid, and she didn't like being afraid. Jakku hadn't exactly prepared her for dealing with the fear of anything beyond her basic survival, and what she had feared (what if they didn't come back?) she'd grown very good at burying deep down inside until she could pretend it was no longer there. But she couldn't avoid this. Afraid as she was of the prospect of having lost him, of being rejected (abandoned, again), she also had more important things to worry about. Like what would happen if the Resistance found out whose child she was carrying.

She would like to think they wouldn't use her. They would be disappointed in her, certainly, she'd slept with the Enemy, and Finn might be angry at her betrayal, but surely they wouldn't try to use her. Would they?

It was hard to argue that the Supreme Leader's lover and child wouldn't make for excellent hostages. Bargaining chips. Bait.

And it wasn't as though they weren't already rather using her, albeit in a kinder way. She was their beacon of hope, after all, and nobody had ever actually thought to stop and ask her if she wanted to be (she wanted to be wanted, needed, but the weight of the galaxy was heavy on her shoulders, and she would have rather liked to have a beacon of hope to look to, too).

She certainly hopes no one in the Resistance could hurt her baby. But Kylo Ren and the First Order have done plenty of terrible things, people tended to join the Resistance for a _reason_ , and she knows that kind of anger can do things to people.

Rey lovingly ran her fingers over her little bump, before leaving them to rest there, cradling the tiny life that grew within. She had to keep her little one safe, no matter what that might mean for her. They were the only thing that truly mattered, in the end. Certainly they mattered far more than her fear. And she was running out of time.

Her bump was getting bigger. People were going to start noticing soon.

Barely even daring to breathe, she forced herself to allow the mental defenses she'd so painstakingly built around herself in the Force to begin unraveling. It was almost a relief, really, like relaxing a muscle she hadn't realized was tensed (and had been for months). She could do this. She had to.

And then she felt him again, there at the other end of the thread that bound them together. All fear suddenly forgotten, her heart soared to find itself no longer alone again; he was _there_ and he was _hers_ and they would never be alone again, and she was crying with relief because oh stars but she had never felt so alone as she did without him, and he was _still there_.

She knows the moment he realizes she's there. Anger bursts across their bond. Bitterness. She could almost taste his self-mockery on her tongue.

She hadn't meant to hurt him so much. It's hard to hold on to her own pain at being forced to choose, when his own runs so much deeper; she made a choice, albeit one she didn't want to make. He simply feels abandoned. Unwanted. Betrayed.

Worst of all, the Force hasn't connected them to talk as she'd rather expected it to. They'd never had any sort of control over it before, so why she thought she might be able to will it into happening for her now she has no idea. Maybe... maybe Snoke really had been responsible, like he'd claimed. (But then what about the last time, on Crait? She knows she didn't imagine it.)

And how else is she supposed to tell him?

* * *

She gets used to feeling him there, a distant presence in her mind (heart, soul), over the next few days. Sometimes she picks up his emotions, anger and frustration being the most common (sometimes she thinks maybe he's glad to feel her, too), but for the most part he's just a presence.

_"You're not alone."_

_"Neither are you."_

The Force still hasn't bridged their minds, and she's beginning to fear it never will again, that it really was Snoke who'd brought them together that way and Crait had just been some weird fluke. It isn't as though she really knows much about the Force. She needs to tell him about their baby, but she doesn't know how. She can't let him find out from a rumour, cannot possibly allow him to be hurt that way, but just as it may not be safe for her baby to remain with the Resistance, it would hardly be safe for her to just turn herself over to the First Order and, what, hope he doesn't let anyone hurt her? That nobody decides to rough her up a bit as payback for their previous Supreme Leader? That she even gets a chance to talk to him before they execute her?

"You need to focus, Rey," Leia's soothing voice interrupts her increasingly obsessive worrying; she is meant to be meditating, but the growing furrow of her brow makes it pretty clear she isn't succeeding.

"Sorry," the young Jedi apologizes, voice laden with guilt for wasting the general's valuable time, even as she immediately strives to do better.

Leia's hand on her shoulder is comforting, and also makes it clear that they're now taking a break for the moment.

"There's nothing to apologize for, Rey. Meditation can be hard, and I know you have a lot on your mind," the older woman reassured. "You're also welcome to take a break whenever you need it."

Rey nods to show that she understands, but still can't help feeling frustrated with her current lack of progress. She is so very, very distracted. And tired, but at least she knows why now. Growing a person is hard work.

"Is there anything you would like to tell me?" Leia asked (yet again), her voice warm and encouraging. Motherly.

_Yes_ , Rey wants to tell her.

So many things.

Like the fact that she's carrying Leia's grandchild, and doesn't know how to tell the father now that the Force isn't connecting them like it was supposed to. How she's afraid that it may not be safe for her to stay here much longer and doesn't know what to do.

Instead she shakes her head, and hopes the older woman doesn't notice the tears in her eyes.

Leia accepts her denial as easily as she has every other time, and gives Rey's shoulder a comforting little squeeze before getting to her feet. "Why don't you do a bit of reading for now, and we'll try again after my meeting," the general suggested, not unkindly.

Rey knows her growing frustration with herself is obvious. As are her tears, most likely.

They start falling in earnest the moment Rey is left alone in the general's rooms, and it doesn't take long for them to begin spiraling out of control, either.

Rey almost never cried in all the years she was alone on Jakku. Tears were a waste of water she hadn't been able to afford. Now it's suddenly like she can't _stop_ crying, like she's trying to make up for lost time, and she was gasping now with the effort of trying to keep her tears from turning into outright sobbing.

And of course, _of course_ that is the moment the Force finally decides to connect them.

All the ambient sounds of an increasingly busy Resistance base are abruptly silenced. She feels him immediately, knows he's there, can feel his hurt and his attempt to hide it with anger.

She feels it the moment he sees her in tears, having a desperate breakdown right there on the floor of wherever he is; feels it the moment that his hurt urges him to lash out with some pithy comment about the Resistance not being all she'd dreamed it would be, about her choice not living up to her expectations (how dare she not choose him).

She feels it when he lets some of that hurt and anger go, and decides instead to be what she needs him to be.

"Rey?" he's asking, all softness and concern as he comes to kneel alongside her trembling form. "What is it, what's wrong?"

She hasn't lost him, still _matters_ to him, but now she is sobbing because she has never been so relieved in all her life and it _hurts_. And her tears have made it impossible to _tell him_ now that she finally has the chance. Rey has never been more frustrated by her own body and hormones.

He is close, so close she can feel the warmth radiating from him as if he were her own personal sun, but he doesn't make any move to touch her, as though uncertain he's allowed. Rey has no such compunctions (his child is growing inside of her, of course he is allowed to touch her, _should_ touch her, should always be touching her), curling into his body and his warmth and allowing his (frankly ridiculously) large frame to shelter her as she cries. His arms come around her then, gentle, protective, and she somehow knows he is glad to be there too.

She also knows that if she were to name someone as having hurt her, of having caused her tears, he would kill them for it.

The darkness in him should frighten her.

But it doesn't, not in this moment.

And that does scare her, albeit not as much as it should.

* * *

The next time the Force decides to connect them, she's spread out on the floor of an increasingly chaotic hangar, elbow-deep in the wiring of an old A-wing, and so startled to see him she just barely avoids giving herself a concussion. Really, you'd think she would have noticed the telltale absence of ambient sound sooner, but she'd been _concentrating_.

She curses, loudly, and has the oddest sense that he's suddenly trying to suppress _amusement_.

"Rey?" Rose calls out from somewhere nearby. "You okay?"

"I'm fine!" the reassurance comes out a bit choked and desperate, and there's no way Rose isn't going to come check on her now.

"You're a terrible liar, you know," he informs her, a bit smug - secure in the knowledge that she cannot properly respond.

She almost _growls_ at him of all things as the sound of approaching footsteps prevents her from doing anything more than shushing him.

He is definitely amused, fighting off the urge to _chuckle_ , and the knowledge makes her feel strangely warm inside.

"Rey?" Rose's friendly, concerned face peers beneath the ship.

_She knows._ Rey has suspected, but she's suddenly certain now. Rose knows she's expecting, but her wonderful new friend has been keeping her secret for her while patiently waiting for her to be ready to share the news. Rey feels tears threatening again, and abruptly wants to hug her - but this isn't the time.

"I'm okay," Rey reassures, and she means it this time. The smile she gives Rose says _thank you_ and _you're right_ and _we're okay_ , and she hopes that Rose understands.

Rose's smile becomes relieved, and she doesn't ask for anything more. Let's Rey keep her secrets until she's ready to share them. Instead she just reminds her, "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," Rey promises, though it comes out as little more than a whisper; she's trying not to cry again. Thankfully, Rose manages to catch it, and offers a last smile before heading back to her own work.

Rey lets out a small sigh of relief, and just spends a few moments trying to get her emotions and tears under control. When she opens her eyes again, Ben is stretched out on the floor next to her, watching. Concerned.

Her heart warms in her chest.

" _Are_ you okay?" he checks, tone ever so slightly demanding, as though he can command her to tell him the truth.

She nods, trying to send him some form of reassurance through the bond (she feels him feel it, and what _is_ this thing between them?), opens her mouth to respond, "I--"

Someone drops a tool or something similarly metallic nearby, the heavy clattering reminding her that they're not alone, and her mouth snaps shut again. They need to be alone for this. At least she's fairly certain now that the Force will give her another chance.

He sees her react to the sound, whether he himself hears it or not, and seems to understand. "Later," he somehow manages to agree and demand all at once.

"Later," comes her whispered agreement.

His presence beside her is soothing, and she's sorry when he's gone.

* * *

She's in bed, trying to fall asleep, when it happens next. She would have preferred to be more awake for this, but at least she can finally talk to him alone.

He is pacing a bit nearby, distracted, looking at something on a datapad; runs a hand through his hair. He looks... he looks like a leader, she finds herself thinking, though she's not entirely sure why.

It shouldn't surprise her, really - he's Leia's son, after all.

And he must pick up something from her through the bond, because he is looking at her now, his attention secured, and _oh stars, she's going to have to tell him now_. She never had quite figured out how she was going to do that, what she was going to say.

"Ben," she says, because she cannot help it, and his name feels so right on her tongue, leaving her lips on something akin to a sigh.

He puts the datapad down, and it disappears once he is no longer touching it.

The Resistance likely would have wanted her to try and see what was on it while she had the chance. They would want her to use this amazing connection to their advantage.

She isn't going to be able to stay here. She should stop trying to pretend that she can.

"I'm--" the words want to spill out, and she almost chokes on them, her throat suddenly tight. She doesn't know how he's going to respond, and it's terrifying.

He comes closer, undeniably worried as he watches her struggle to find the words.

She has to force them out, in the end, the words practically tumbling over each other. "We're going to have a baby."

His face shutters, all hint of emotion suddenly hidden from her; she feels her heart pick up a frantic beat, afraid.

"Liar," he accuses, in a strange echo of her own words back on Ahch-to.

But they don't lie to each other, do they? She's never really noticed it before, but the only times they've ever really lied to each other, it's been because they were also lying to themselves. It seems to occur to him too, and he immediately tries to deny it - because he's trying to lie to himself.

"Did my-- Did your precious General put you up to this?" he tries to demand, and she can't help but catch his near slip. He's trying to work up some anger to protect himself, pacing again, but she can feel him struggling. "Does she really think I'm so stupid as to think all her little rebels aren't required to get contraceptive implants?"

He manages to find some anger, but not towards his mother; he's hurt and angry to find that _she_ could lie to him like this, and Rey realizes for the first time that he really, genuinely hadn't believed she was at any risk of falling pregnant. And she's surprised by the relief that suddenly fills her, as she realizes that some part of her had been hurting all this time to think he could have been so careless with her. He hadn't.

If anything, she realizes, his mother had. All new recruits were required to undergo a medical exam, which included a variety of vaccinations and (as he'd said) a contraceptive implant. Except her. They'd sent her off after Luke before anyone could get around to it, and nobody had noticed the oversight since. Somebody really should have noticed.

"My joining wasn't exactly standard procedure," she found herself voicing, the sudden hurt clear in her tone even as she tried to push it away. "They sent me after Luke before..."

Panic spikes through the bond for a moment. He's having trouble disbelieving her, as if it goes against his very nature.

"You said yourself I'm a terrible liar," she reminds him softly; she doesn't need to speak any louder for him to hear her, with the room as silent as it is.

And he knows she is. Just as he knows they don't lie to each other. As he knows she _wouldn't_ lie to him, especially about something so important. For a moment, she feels him struggling, grasping for some other explanation - she catches something like a thought, that maybe his mother had lied to _her_ \- and Rey is suddenly catching his hand as he paces by. He stops instantly, breath caught in his throat at the feel of her hand on his, albeit through the leather of his gloves.

She places it over her growing bump. He let's her.

He feels it.

Time itself seems to stop for a moment, their hands resting together over the life they've created. She feels his sudden sense of wonder, and for a moment, everything is perfect.

Then time begins to move again, and she feels the panic come crashing through him. His hand is gone, both of them now running through his hair as he tries to make himself _think_. He is _terrified_ for her and the baby.

It makes her feel oddly safe, knowing that he cares. How much he cares. How much they _matter_. She's suddenly calmer than she has been in weeks, even as he's caught up in a maelstrom of emotion and panic.

Rey holds her hand out for his, and it returns to her so quickly it almost feels instinctive. She tugs him down onto the bed with her, and he goes easily; makes no attempt to resist as she wraps his arms around her and allows herself to rest back against him, cocooning herself in his warmth. She tries to share some of her calm with him through the bond, and he does at least seem to relax a bit. The arms encircling her become protective, sheltering. He lets out a shaky breath, and presses a gentle kiss atop her head, almost as though he cannot help it. Rey feels herself melt into his arms; this is where she's _meant_ to be.

"We have to get you out of there," he breathes, struggling to be calm, like she needs him to be. She doesn't argue; she knows it's true, and it's time to stop pretending otherwise. "You need-- _I_ need you here. Where I can keep you safe."

"Will it be safe?" she asks softly, her own fear creeping into her voice at the thought of finding herself in the heart of the First Order.

"I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise," he tells her.

She believes him. And really, where else would she go?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, smut ended up happening in this chapter. Just in case anybody needs a warning. Enjoy! ;)

Over the next few days, Rey does her best to say goodbye without any of her friends actually realizing she is trying to say goodbye.

Poe is the easiest; he isn't the most observant of people when it comes to emotional matters, and to make things even easier, he's leaving on a mission anyway. There's nothing suspicious or noteworthy about giving her friend a hug goodbye before he leaves, or about reminding him to be careful. And there's certainly nothing unusual about her fussing over BB-8, who's going with him.

Rose, being the naturally physically affectionate person that she is, is also fairly easy; always happy to offer and receive a hug, Rey's claiming of one from her one random afternoon doesn't stand out overmuch. Even if it does happen to be a bit tighter and last a bit longer than usual.

Finn is, well, trickier. While they've hugged on multiple occasions in the past, it's always been for a clear reason (usually a show of relief that the other is okay), and she's specifically trying to avoid him realizing there's a reason. Towards the end of her last day, she's ultimately forced to throw caution to the wind and just pull him in for a tight hug. She knows it makes him worry, but she cannot leave without at least this much. Thankfully, he doesn't pry.

Leia... she almost starts to cry, when she gives a final hug to the woman who's become the closest thing she's ever had to a mother. There's no way the older woman doesn't know something's up. But Rey has been so prone to tears over the past few weeks that she hopes the general at least doesn't read too much into it.

And Chewie... Chewie knows, she thinks, as she hugs him. Clings to him, really. She doesn't know how, but she was suddenly willing to bet a week's worth of scrap that the old Wookie somehow knew _everything_. Maybe he could smell it or something. But he doesn't try to stop her - just hugs her back, and rumbles reassurances that everything will be okay - so she doesn't mind so much. Maybe she's even a little bit glad.

She also leaves Leia a note, to be found once she's gone. Hopefully not until morning. She can't just _not_ explain, especially knowing where she'll be turning up next. She can't risk them attempting some sort of well-meaning rescue mission.

She may be leaving the Resistance, but that doesn't mean she no longer wants them to be safe.

It's a short note, but she knows Leia will understand.

_It's Ben's._   
_I'm sorry._   
_-Rey_

It isn't hard to slip out of the base with no one the wiser, either. Late at night, with most everyone asleep, there's nobody wandering the halls to notice her making her way to the hangar with her bag (she can't leave the Jedi texts behind, any more than she could leave the pieces of her broken lightsaber or her staff; she doesn't need much else). There's some security in the hangar, of course, but she's the last Jedi - nobody is suspicious when she explains that she's felt something in the Force, and wants to run a quick sweep of the area in one of her newly repaired ships.

By the time they realize she isn't coming back, it's far too late to stop her; she's already gone.

Would it be better or worse, she wonders, if they knew how much she cried even as she fled? Though she supposes it doesn't really matter in the end - there's no one there to tell them, either way.

* * *

It doesn't take long, of course, for the reality of what she's done to truly begin to sink in.

_What was she doing?_ How could she possibly be doing this?

She'd betrayed the Resistance. Her _family_. And there was no going back at this point. Nothing more to do, beyond wiping all traces of where she'd been from the ship's memory. Make sure they couldn't be found.

And then spend some time simply curled up in the pilot's seat, crying. Trying to catch her breath. Keep the air moving in and out of her lungs. Her throat felt tight, as though something was blocking it. Was she having a panic attack?

What was she _doing_?

Rey cradled her little bump, _forcing_ her breaths to slow, to steady. This was all for them, she reminded herself. She had to keep her little bump safe. Had to do what was best for them. Ben would help keep them safe. She needed to stop thinking about the rest, or she would never be able to do this.

There was no turning back.

A calm that was not her own began to flow through the bond, as though he'd sensed her turmoil and sought to help. To reassure. Rey clung to it as she fought to regain some composure. He was worried about them. He cared.

She could... she could do this. She could. Everything was going to work out fine, she just had to keep going. Keep plodding along.

And she really did need to get going. It had been too long since she last ate, and she was beginning to feel sick again. Too much longer and she ran the risk of another dizzy spell. She couldn't risk that happening here.

So she grabbed her things, and pulled up her hood (white, perhaps, had not been the best colour to wear, but it's too late now), and left the certainty of the Resistance behind. She was already late, and it was time to keep pushing forward to whatever lay beyond.

She really should have brought something to eat with her, she realizes as she makes her way through the busy spaceport of Ord Gimmel's capital (she's already forgotten the city's name, but it isn't exactly important). She hasn't felt this sick to her stomach in a while, had kind of hoped she was past that, and the smells from a nearby market aren't helping. She really doesn't want to be sick just now, especially given who she's meant to be meeting.

It may not matter what she wants though, Rey realizes, as sweat begins to bead on her brow. She forces herself to pick up her pace; as bad as it may be to greet _them_ like this, it's better than being sick out here with no one to watch her back, surrounded by strangers. Her pride and, well, dignity cannot take precedence over her safety. _Their_ safety.

She sees them then, three masked figures dressed all in black, being given a wide berth by the crowd. They have felt her approaching, of course; by now, Rey knows her signature in the Force is not a small one, not easily overlooked. And she can sense them, as well, though they are not nearly so strong as Ben. Or her. (They've had far more training than she has, though.)

She picks up her pace, in spite of her trepidation, her mind replaying that one part of her vision from Takodana, when she'd found herself facing down the Knights of Ren and their Master in the driving rain, the only illumination provided by the glowing red blade of a lightsaber. She had been frightened then. But they somehow represent safety just now.

Ben trusts them. And he would never allow her or their little bump to come to harm.

And then she is there amongst them, and they move as if to _bow_ of all things, but the world is beginning to spin, making her unsteady, and she instead finds herself being relieved of her bag and staff, of gloved hands (but not the right ones, these hands are too small, the fingers too short) steadying her, and finally of being swept off her feet as one of them proceeds to carry her aboard the monstrous-looking black ship they had arrived in.

Her stomach is roiling unhappily, and in the end, Rey is simply relieved she doesn't get sick _on_ anybody.

* * *

They have no idea what to do with her, and if Rey weren't feeling so miserably ill, it would've been hilarious.

They know about the baby, obviously; she keeps catching them trying to sneak little peeks at her belly, as though they expect to be able to tell. She isn't showing _that_ much yet - it's really only visible if you know her well enough, and are looking for it, and her clothes help hide it a bit, too. But they were not expecting her to be sick or faint, don't have a clue how to handle it, and are clearly under the distinct impression that if they don't return with her and her little bump in perfect condition, they are going to pay for it. Possibly with their lives.

Honestly, as awful as she's feeling, it isn't like she's dying or anything. She's just _pregnant_ and in need of food. (The right food, obviously, whatever that may happen to be today.) But stars forbid anyone should manage to think to bring some food along for her (herself included, to be fair).

The mighty Knights of Ren, feared from one side of the galaxy to the other, loyal to none but their Master, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren himself... are intimidated by a few common pregnancy symptoms. Or at least, these three are; it's always possible the others have a bit more common sense. (Somehow, she doubts it.)

They are _fretting_ amongst each other, even as the shorter of the group pilots the ship, taking them back to the fleet, wherever it may happen to be at the moment. From the brief snatches of conversation she manages to pick up, Rey gets the impression that they are worried about her, about the baby, about how Ben (Kylo Ren) will react to their apparent failure to take proper care of her, and... that she might be offended by the lack of proper introductions?

She just threw up on their floor, and they think she's going to be worried about their manners?

In the end, she saves them all some trouble and opts to take a nap instead; at least then they can stop fretting about what they should be doing for her and just let her rest. It isn't as though she doesn't need it anyway, having missed an entire night's worth of sleep.

Also, the seat they have deposited her in is really quite comfy.

* * *

Later, Ben will explain what happened. How his Knights were worried. How they called ahead in spite of the planned radio-silence. How he and someone trusted from medical were there waiting when they arrived, along with the rest of his knights, to take care of her.

They gave her something for the morning sickness; it also served as a mild sedative. She barely stirred as it was administered, and then it helped to ensure she didn't stir as he carried her from the ship in his arms. They got some nutrients into her, so that things wouldn't be even worse when she woke, and made sure that nothing else was wrong.

All Rey knows is that she wakes however many hours later to a dark room (night-cycle, some part of her brain thinks), feeling deliciously warm and content, curled up in what must be the most comfortable bed in the entire galaxy (she hadn't even realized it was _possible_ for a surface to be so wonderfully soft), with Ben's arms wrapped protectively around her and the Force seemingly _humming_ with a contentment to rival her own.

_Home,_ the very core of her being declares, whether she's entirely ready to admit to it or not.

_Mine,_ his seems to be saying, such a powerful need to possess and claim and protect suggesting that he is very much awake, and has been for a while.

It's a heady feeling, to be wanted like that. Simply for being herself. Rey isn't used to being _wanted_.

He seems to realize that she is awake now, too, his arms tightening possessively around her. And then he _nips_ at the back of her neck with his teeth.

Rey's reaction is immediate; a moan is torn from her throat as heat pools low in her belly, and she finds herself arching back into his touch. She feels him grin with a primal sort of satisfaction before he does it again, harder this time, marking her as his, _claiming_ her, and _kriff_ but she has never felt so desperate as she does right now.

"Ben," she is gasping, _begging_ , as arousal pools at her core. It has been far, _far_ too long since he last touched her, since she last found any relief.

Thankfully, he doesn't make her wait, his hand slipping down where she wants ( _needs_ ) it, calloused fingers finding that magical spot between her legs to rub in frantic little circles as she increasingly comes apart under his touch.

She is whimpering, keening, crying out his name as the pleasure coils tighter and tighter inside her, begging, always begging him for more. She can feel his own pleasure at simply being able to do this to her, reduce her to this, through the bond; his intense satisfaction at knowing that she is _his_ , as he pushes her higher and higher. When the coil inside her finally snaps, and she is sent careening into a world of nothing but ecstasy and light, she comes sobbing his name.

He presses a kiss into the nape of her neck, and Rey can feel his grin curling against her bare skin even as her muscles continue to twitch with the aftershocks of what he's done to her. She barely even notices as he begins to undress them, _doesn't_ notice that whatever he's removing from her is not the same clothing she arrived in, but there is certainly no missing the electrical current that seems to pass between them the moment they are skin to skin.

"Mine," he tells her as he claims her mouth for a kiss.

"Mine," again as he slides home inside of her.

"Yours," she agrees with a whimper, as she finally finds herself feeling whole again; he is meant to be here, inside of her.

It hurts a little; it's been a while, and she has only done this once before. But it isn't long before the pain is forgotten, lost to the push and pull of him moving inside of her, to the cresting wave of pleasure that's building within yet again.

The Force is singing around them as they come apart in each others arms.

This is where they are both meant to be.

* * *

She wakes to find herself curled into Ben's bare chest, his fingers gently combing through her hair. The bond is singing with contentment, and she cannot even tell anymore whether it is coming from her or him or both, or perhaps even the bond itself.

"How are you feeling?" he asks her, his voice still rough with sleep.

She finds she likes that sound.

"Wonderful," she answers honestly on a contented sigh, and he presses a kiss atop her head. She can feel his relief.

The room - his room, presumably - is lighter now, the ship having clearly moved into its day-cycle.

"What happens now?" Rey finds herself asking, almost in spite of herself. She has rather ruined all their previous plans, she supposes, but it's difficult to truly worry about anything while in his arms.

"We clean up," is his calm reply; perhaps she soothes him as much as he soothes her, "we get dressed. Enjoy breakfast. And then we go deal with Command, just like we planned."

Leaving the bed (leaving each other's arms) was hard, but they did eventually manage it. Rey was _thrilled_ to discover the adjoining 'fresher used actual running water - _hot_ running water, that she could adjust the temperature of on a whim! - a luxury she'd never even dreamed she might get to experience one day. (He is utterly charmed by her excitement over such a simple thing, and makes no attempt to hide it from her.)

The clothes she had arrived in are apparently being cleaned (and the white really wouldn't have been suitable, anyway), but it doesn't matter because he's had others made for her - a beautiful white nightgown, softer than anything she's ever so much as touched before, is still strewn across the floor from the night before, and a similarly luxurious outfit, tailored to resemble her usual style but in black, has been laid out for her (more will apparently be coming later, and she's never owned so many clothes). It is beautiful, even if part of her does still shy away from the colour; it fits both her and their purposes perfectly. The black boots that await her are the most comfortable she's ever worn, and she sighs happily as she slips them on.

Ben brushes her hair for her. She has no memory of anyone having ever done such a thing for her before, and it's a miracle she doesn't cry at the gesture, though she thinks he knows anyway. He watches with _warmth_ in his brown eyes as she pulls it back from her face, eschewing her usual buns in favour of the half-pony she had worn it in the last time she came to him. (He likes it like that, she somehow knows; makes it easier for him to tangle his fingers in it.)

Breakfast proves to be the most luxurious meal she's ever seen, let alone eaten, and leaves her with the distinct impression that Ben enjoys feeding her. Spoiling her. And he definitely enjoys the way her eyes light up at the sight of more food than she could ever have imagined, and the way she moans with delight upon discovering something she particularly likes. (Muja fruit is officially the best thing in the galaxy, and the only way Ben is eventually able to coax her away from the table is by bringing the rest of the muja fruit-filled donuts with them.)

All six of the Knights of Ren are waiting for them by the time they emerge from the safety of his rooms, and they fall into an easy defensive formation around her and Ben as they make their way... well, somewhere. Wherever Command is waiting for them, she supposes. (Ben assures her that there will be time for introductions later, and she is still baffled by the concern - perhaps her scavenger roots are showing?)

They draw definite looks as they make their way through the star destroyer, though no one seems to dare anything more than that, especially in the presence of the Supreme Leader. Rey eats her donuts nervously and tries to remember that she isn't a prisoner, that she's supposed to be here. That she's safe.

The tiniest of touches from the man beside her lets her know she _is_.

"Ren!" They have barely set foot into a room that could only be the ship's command centre before a small (taller than her, some part of her notices, but he still somehow manages to seem small) man with pasty skin and red hair is storming towards them in a fury. He had to be the infamous General _Hugs_ , with all that whiny pomposity; Poe had loved to imitate the man to the everlasting delight of the Resistance, especially during mealtimes when a large audience was guaranteed. "What is the meaning of this? I demand an explanation!"

The Knights of Ren no longer surround them, having spread out to take up positions around the room, but two of them yet remain behind her and Ben, guarding either side of the door they've all just come through. Yet even without them, Rey suspects she would have trouble feeling truly threatened by this man; she's fairly certain Ben could squash him like a bug if he cared to. The other officers in the room don't seem terribly impressed with him at the moment either, and Rey suddenly finds herself wondering how old he is. (Young, obviously.)

As if to confirm her suspicions, _Kylo Ren_ doesn't even bother to get angry with the man for his clear insubordination; rather, he raises a single dark eyebrow and calmly asks, "Would you care to try that again, _General_?"

Hugs visibly quailed a bit, common sense apparently deciding to return to him with the help of the ( _very_ implied) threat. He ceased his approach and offered a conciliatory bow instead, though his eyes continued to reflect an unmistakable animosity. "My apologies, Supreme Leader. But surely you have not forgotten what this... _girl_ has done."

Rey got the distinct impression that she was meant to take offense to the way he'd said _girl_ , but it was difficult to take offense to anything coming out of the mouth of a man Poe had so frequently mocked. Especially when the mockery was proving so accurate.

"This 'girl,'" Ben replied while calmly adjusting one of his gloves, as though the matter was of little import, "killed Snoke. Yes. Something that required no small measure of power and skill. And now she has turned herself over to us, and requested _training_." He paused here, expertly allowing his council a moment to consider the full implications of what he's saying. So far as they know, he is literally the only one left in the galaxy who _can_ teach her now that Luke Skywalker is gone. One older man in particular seems to have grasped the matter almost instantly, and is now watching Rey with definite interest. "She will be serving as my apprentice from this moment forward. You may refer to her as the Lady Rey, and you will show her all the respect you would show me."

The implied _or else_ sat heavy in the room as the First Order's various commanding officers at least pretended to accept her new place among them.

Rey, for her part, simply did her best to look the part of the deferential apprentice for the moment, even if she didn't have the clearest idea as to what that might look like; mostly she just kept her head down and tried to look contrite and respectful. Ben seemed pleased with the overall affair, so she can't have done too terribly at least.

They all take their seats at the table after that, an extra one having been provided for her at the head next to the Supreme Leader's, and get down to what she supposes must be their usual business. Most of it goes right over Rey's head, but she does learn that she is not, in fact, aboard the _Finalizer_ as she'd initially assumed - they are on the _Steadfast_ while the _Finalizer_ undergoes repairs. A detail which, she gathers, has left Hugs' position considerably weakened. (She wonders, for a moment, if Ben has considered rotating between the various cruisers under his command rather than choosing a single flagship, to ensure that none of his officers are allowed to consolidate too much power, and then has to wonder where such a thought came from.)

She finds herself a bit more worried about Pryde, to be honest; there's something about the look in his eyes that she doesn't like. Or perhaps it is simply because she does not recognize his name from Resistance briefings, and thus doesn't know what to make of him.

She is right about Ben, though - he's proving to be a natural leader, just like his mother (though she may keep that last part to herself), and he manages them all quite well.

* * *

"Do you really think it's going to be that easy?" Rey asks later, when they're once again safe in the privacy of his (their now, she supposes) room. She isn't even aware of her hand resting protectively over her little bump, the gesture has become so habitual. "I mean, I didn't exactly arrive like a potential prisoner." Because she'd gotten sick. Because she hadn't thought to bring some food with her. "Or do you typically carry your prisoners around in your arms?"

She's teasing him, she suddenly realizes. When did that become a thing? Yet it feels so utterly natural, she has no desire to take it back.

"Just you, apparently," he admits with a rather sardonic grin.

It isn't remotely the response she's expecting. "What?"

"From Takodana to my shuttle," Ben continues. "From my shuttle to the _Finalizer_. Then back again. And from my shuttle to the interrogation cell on Starkiller."

Rey had always assumed he'd had a subordinate take her after he knocked her out, if she considered it at all. The truth makes her feel oddly warm inside.

"I didn't want to let anyone else touch you," he confessed.

And he had been furious with himself, she suddenly knows, for displaying such weakness. As if the scavenger somehow _mattered_.

Somehow, she has always mattered. At least to him.

_"You need a teacher,"_ he had said, even as their blades were locked in battle. The look in his eyes had frightened her, not because it was angry or violent, but because it wasn't. _"I could show you the ways of the Force."_

Rey doesn't know what to say, how to tell him how much it all means to her. How much he matters to her, too. She reaches up to touch him instead, gently cupping his face in her hands, thumbs lightly caressing his pale skin and the scar she left there; he watches her with those big brown eyes, allowing her, for a moment, to see the vulnerability that hides behind them. Because she matters.

She kisses him, standing up on her toes to reach him properly, and it is the first time she's ever initiated this thing between them. It is a soft, tentative thing (she still doesn't really know what she's doing), but he lets her lead for as long as she wants, and she thinks maybe she loves him (she isn't even surprised).

"Take me to bed," she requests, her voice little more than a whisper.

He is more than happy to oblige.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some smut again. It's like they can't keep their hands off each other or something, who knew? ;)
> 
> There is also some swearing, and a discussion about consent.
> 
> Next chapter may take a bit longer, but it is coming!

Rey had never really realized just how hard she worked herself.

On Jakku, it had simply been a necessity; if she wanted to eat, she had to scavenge. It had been a hard life, but also a straightforward one, and she had survived it. From the moment she left, however...

From the moment she left the desert planet, she'd been pushing herself even harder. She hadn't realized it at the time, but there was no denying it now. She had been so desperate to earn a place for herself, to prove herself worthy of a family, that she had been running herself ragged. If she hadn't left, she would have burned herself out, and more likely sooner than later. Even after she knew about the baby, when Leia was actively trying to keep her from overworking herself, and she was trying to take better care, there had always been work that needed doing and a role they needed her to fulfill, and being the Last Jedi had been exhausting. (And she wasn't a Jedi, she could now admit, would never be a Jedi; in some ways, it _was_ perhaps time to let old things die.)

Now, all of a sudden, she doesn't have to _earn_ anything. Ben doesn't need her to be anything beyond herself, doesn't require anything of her beyond her presence, beyond her desire to touch and be touched, beyond the contentment they find with each other. It is almost baffling to find herself not needing to prove anything to anyone.

It is a struggle, sometimes, to remember that she is allowed to be still, that nothing is required of her. She has to work at it. Practice.

Other times... other times, it's wonderful. (She took a _nap_ today simply because she felt tired, and it was glorious. She didn't even feel guilty about it afterwards.)

But it was the lack of expectations placed upon her that ultimately meant the most. Even as her bump became increasingly obvious, and peoples stares became increasingly interested, there was no real _expectation_ behind it, and not even the First Order's commanders had dared bring it up yet (though they would soon, she suspects). And even the Knights of Ren, who had been ordered to make her safety their top priority, even over their Master's, and accompanied her everywhere, didn't seem to expect anything of her. If anything, they were simply... curious. And that required her to be nothing but herself.

She likes to watch them train; has taken to it in the quiet moments of the day, when Ben is busy with command. Obviously she'd rather join in herself, but the knights don't hold back even in training, and she has a growing baby bump to worry about, so for now she simply watches and does the occasional bit of training by herself. They don't seem to mind the audience - if anything, Rey increasingly suspects they enjoy having someone to show off for.

Borthis Ren (they finally got around to those introductions) _does_ claim to mind her getting to munch on muja fruit tarts while she watches, but he's clearly just jealous that she gets to eat in the training facilities when no one else does. Rey is always quick to let him know that he's welcome to try growing a person in his belly to earn the privilege if it bothers him so much, and the banter makes her feel at home; she is finding that she likes these people, as scary as they may, at first, have seemed.

Ben tells her that they like her, too.

Borthis is the youngest of the Knights of Ren, though still a few years older than her, and seems to spend a great deal of time joking around with Acaadi and Vaylin (the only female of the group). Vaylin, of course, always makes a great show of how ridiculous she finds her male counterparts to be, and Rey enjoys listening to their playful bickering whenever they're out of sight of the rest of the First Order. Seviss and Kaox try to pretend to be above it all, but it never takes much for the younger knights to draw them into it in the end.

Qordis Ren is probably the one she still knows the least about; he is the eldest among them, even including Ben, and seems to take the role very seriously. He is also the one who typically accompanies their Master, but when not with the Supreme Leader he mostly just seems to watch over the rest of them in silence, only speaking when absolutely necessary. But Ben trusts him, and thus Rey does too.

"So you really ain't mad at him?" Vaylin asked her abruptly one afternoon, while they were watching Seviss and Acaadi spar.

"What?" Rey could only ask, utterly confused by the non sequitur.

"About that," the other woman clarified, pointing to Rey's undeniably pregnant belly. "You obviously hadn't planned it, or you wouldn't'a left. You really ain't mad he went and knocked you up the first time?"

Rey could feel her cheeks heating up as she blushed; this wasn't exactly a topic she was used to discussing with people, particularly in this uniquely Vaylin manner (though her directness was, in fact, rather refreshing). "No," she was finally able to offer, with a shake of her head. "I know he didn't mean to."

Vaylin's expression was, as always, hidden beneath her mask, but Rey somehow knew she was frowning, about to object to the excuse, so she added, "It brought me back to him. Brought me here, to all of you. And I--" her hand fell to her belly, cradling the precious life that grew within with undeniable affection. "I love them so much, already. I could never be angry with him for them."

"He still should'a asked," Vaylin declared, clearly disapproving of her leader's behaviour.

"Or I could've said something, too," Rey objected without thinking, immediately seeking to defend him.

"So why didn't you?"

Oh. Rey probably should have seen that coming, but she hadn't; or rather, she hadn't stopped to think long enough to consider the consequences of her instinctive defense. Her blush deepened, and she became inordinately interested in the floor.

"Karking hell!" Vaylin suddenly exclaimed, before following it up with some truly impressive cussing in Huttese that doesn't bear repeating. "You didn't know! That fucking idiot was so caught up in having you, he didn't even bother to karking check and make sure you knew what the fuck was going on!" She was certainly perceptive, Rey had to give her that. She was also clearly _pissed_ on Rey's behalf.

Rey was really going to have to start getting used to this whole people caring about her thing, it just seemed to keep happening for whatever reason.

"Want me to kick his ass for you?" the knight was suddenly offering. "I mean, he obviously didn't mean to be such a fucking idiot, you just do that to him sometimes, but it doesn't mean he doesn't deserve it!"

"No!" Rey is immediately protesting. "Please don't!" She's never seen Ben come even close to losing in a sparring session with one (or more, for that matter) of his knights, but that doesn't mean she'd care to risk it all the same. "Really, it's fine!"

"It's not," Vaylin retorts, though she seems to have accepted for the moment that it isn't her job to kick Kylo Ren's ass, at least. "Can't consent if you don't know what you're consenting to. That shit matters. He should've made sure."

It's a difficult point to argue with; Rey doesn't even know how one might try. But she's glad it happened, and she certainly doesn't doubt that she'd have consented either way. (She had wanted him so desperately; she always does, it seems.)

She is suddenly a bit worried about how guilty Ben might feel, if he knew just how little she'd, well, _known_ at the time, though.

* * *

"Did the Sith frequently fuck their apprentices, then?" Hux inquires one day, smug and smarmy and really quite stupid as always. Apparently this is how they are finally going to discuss her obvious pregnancy, and having reached the five month mark, it really is rather time. (There's nothing subtle about her growing belly by now, as her back is quick to remind her.)

It's a reaction from _her_ that he wants, clearly. Kylo Ren cannot be cowed by crude words, but Rey is unused to them still, cannot help the colour that rushes to her cheeks. Her gaze has found the floor again, and she knows Ben doesn't like that, doesn't like that she can be embarrassed so easily (she should be ruling at his side like she was always meant to be, not cowing at a few words hurled at her by a rabid cur). His thumb begins to rub reassuring little circles into the curve of her hip, where his hand has been resting; he doesn't shy away from small displays of affection, even in front of his council. (Especially in front of them, she sometimes thinks.)

"Yes," Kylo Ren replies, as though it should have been obvious; the slight hint of a quirk at the corner of his mouth and the arching of a dark brow let them all know that he is amused by the general's attempt to embarrass him.

Neither of them actually knows whether this is true or not, any more than either of them are actually Sith, will ever be Sith, but Hugs doesn't need to know that.

Ben presses a gentle kiss to the side of her temple, and an apology through the bond, before he continues. Rey offers her forgiveness back even before he can commit whatever offense is coming, confident that all he does is merely meant to keep her and their baby safe.

"Are you familiar with the Jedi Code, General?" the Supreme Leader inquires, knowing full well the answer.

It is, of course, a negative.

"The Jedi forbid attachment," Kylo went on to explain, with a patience they both know will drive Hugs nuts, "passion, love, desire. Sex." He paused a moment, allowing his words to sink in, not only for Hux, but all of his Command. "How would _you_ best suggest preventing one?"

It isn't true, his touch promises her, and Rey knows that it isn't. None of what happened in that throne room (or since) had been about preventing her from becoming a Jedi, or even about turning her. It had just been about _them_ , about need, about confirming that the other was okay and that they were both still alive. It had been about two halves coming together to finally make a whole, about never being alone again. (It had also been about the heady cocktail of chemicals their brains had been swimming in after emerging victorious from what should have been an impossible fight, but that sounded much less romantic.)

But his point has been made. His position assured. And Hux's attempt to cast doubt on their allegiances has failed.

They are safe, still. And the rest of Command looks relatively impressed.

Rey offers him her own small touch, to reassure him that she knows, even if she cannot find it within her to meet anyone's eyes for the rest of the meeting.

She has never cared about ruling the galaxy. Has only ever wanted him.

* * *

"I'm sorry," he tells her later, between desperate kisses as they try to make their way to the bed, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake.

"I know," she assures him, because she does; can feel how much the lie hurt him on her behalf, and how afraid he is that she might believe it.

"One day," he promises, even as he struggles for breath; they cannot get enough of each other, can never seem to get enough of each other, "One day, I'll make sure they all know." They have found the bed, and he is so careful as he eases her down onto it, so gentle as he discards the last of her clothes. "That you are brilliant and good and I am so fucking lucky you let me do this to you."

"I love you," she tells him, because it's true, and it's time he heard it.

For a moment, everything stops. His beautiful brown eyes are staring down at her in wonder and shock, and she can feel what those words have done for him. Feel the mending ache in his heart, the catch of tears in his throat. She isn't the only one who has been so desperately lonely for so long, who has been impossibly weighted down by the expectations of others and a need to prove herself to anyone who might have her. But they have each other now, have found the missing piece of their soul, and they _are_ enough when it matters.

"I love you so much," she promises, her own tears threatening now. "I never should have left - I _wanted_ to take you hand." She just hadn't been able to let her friends die, and had been too frightened to realize he would let them go for her once she did, if she asked him to. That he would do _anything_ she asked him to, if only she first chose him.

Time starts up again, and he is kissing her everywhere he can reach - her eyelids, her nose, her mouth, the curve of her jaw, the thrumming pulsepoint in her neck, her shoulder... Down and down he goes, his touch worshipful and his eyes adoring, until he's settled between her thighs at the edge of the bed, and has her legs thrown over his shoulders.

Rey has no idea what he's doing, but the grin he is wearing promises that she'll like it, and the feel of his breath against her just _there_ is enough to have her whimpering in expectation.

When he presses his mouth to her most intimate of places and begins to kiss her _down there_ , she forgets how to breathe for a second. His mouth is warm and wet and he is lapping up her juices as though he is starving for them and then his tongue is pressing _just there_ , and Rey doesn't think she has ever screamed for him quite so loudly before.

She thinks it must last for hours, though in reality she knows it cannot possibly have been so long (she'd have needed to pee before then, if nothing else). She doesn't think she has ever come so many times in her life as she has just now, and she is sobbing from the pleasure of it all; she cannot possibly take any more, and yet she never wants it to stop.

"Ben," she pleads, without even knowing what it is that she's asking for.

His tongue swirls against the inside of her thigh, allowing her a tiny moment of respite, even as his fingers continue to stoke languidly inside of her.

"Yes, my little Jedi?" he encourages, and she has never heard him sound quite so _satisfied_ with himself.

The story he had weaved for his council wasn't true, but he did enjoy the feeling of corrupting her, she knew. Like his driving need to possess and claim and mark her at times, she suspects it helps soothe the darkness in him - and it isn't as though she doesn't enjoy it, too. (She would have made a terrible Jedi.)

"Please," she begs, with no clearer idea as to what, simply that she _needs_ something.

"Please what?" He is grinning at her wickedly, clearly enjoying this new game, and as his fingers brush against a particular spot inside of her, Rey feels as though some part of her _breaks_.

"Everything," she whimpers.

And he seems to understand, even though it is complete nonsense utterly beyond her own comprehension, as he finally abandons her core in favour of trailing gentle kisses back up her body to lay claim to her mouth once again.

She tastes herself on his generous lips, and cannot help but moan as he finally slides home inside of her, filling her so completely that she can no longer tell where she ends and he begins. He makes love to her slowly, as though they have all the time in the world - and now that they've finally found each other, perhaps they do.

"I love you, too," he tells her later, as they lay sated and exhausted in each others arms.

"I know," she assures him, because she does. She wouldn't be here if he didn't. And she doesn't know why, but the words make him laugh, and it's the most beautiful sound she's ever heard.

* * *

Apparently, Rey was "ruining" the droids of the First Order.

She didn't mean to, of course. But after all those years on Jakku, where she could go weeks without truly interacting with another life form, it's a habit to stop and take the time to talk to them. It honestly hadn't occurred to her that First Order personnel didn't truly interact with their droids, and so it certainly hadn't occurred to her that any regular interaction might impact their programming.

They're developing personalities now, apparently. A will of their own. As if that were somehow a bad thing.

Clearly the First Order underestimates their droids.

And now they are all increasingly deciding that they like and prefer Rey (and dislike General Hux in particular, which Rey finds hilarious). Which also makes them more likely to listen to her, specifically. One black BB unit in particular has taken a shine to her, to the point where it has taken to following her around in favour of its actual assigned duties.

Rey enjoys it; the little droid's developing its personality, and increasingly reminds her of BB-8. Noticing her growing affection for the little metallic ball, Ben (affectionately exasperated by her ability to "accidentally capture even electronic hearts") had opted to assign it to her, so at least the techs have stopped complaining about _that_.

(The little droid has a tendency to make her laugh, and Ben _loves_ the sound.)

It also means that nobody complains when she begins to make some modifications. One should never underestimate a droid, after all, and BB-9M was becoming really quite clever.

The stormtroopers aboard the _Steadfast_ seem to be taking a liking to her, as well (amazing, what treating people like actual people can do, though she has noticed that Ben has slowly been changing things for them with a seemingly similar notion in mind). The rest of the ship's crew seem to be slowly coming around to her too, though the officers more slowly than the rest.

Whatever her past, she is the Supreme Leader's apprentice and lover now, and she carries his child inside her. She is welcomed, respected, and not to be questioned.

She is safe, and to be protected at all costs.

She still doesn't care for the way Pryde looks at her sometimes, though; the way he increasingly seeks to please. As though he knows something she does not. She begins to avoid him, when she can.

* * *

Rey's feet are becoming swollen; she has to have new boots and other footwear made. Her back aches as her belly continues to swell, and she can feel her centre of balance shifting, making her feel increasingly large and clumsy. Her wardrobe is constantly needing to be updated to keep up with the growth of her child, and it is hard to imagine she had ever been able to hide this.

She is becoming weirdly forgetful, frequently needing reminders from BB-9M about what she was doing and where she was going and when she was supposed to be meeting up with Ben. ("Pregnancy brain" the doctor tells her - perfectly normal and not at all something to worry about, and the woman has clearly never found herself standing in the middle of a busy star destroyer hallway with no recollection of where she'd been meaning to go while everyone tries not to stare at her too obviously.) Sleeping is growing increasingly difficult, as her size makes it hard to get comfortable. (At least the morning sickness is finally gone.)

The whole thing would be utterly impossible if not for Ben.

He rubs her feet for her when they're sore. Presses talented fingers _just there_ against her back to ease it. Helps steady her as they walk side-by-side. He holds her in his arms every night, whispering sweet nothings into her ear until she falls asleep, and never stops telling her she's beautiful. (No one has ever even called her such a thing before him, but now he sometimes manages to make even her believe it.) And he makes sure she has all the muja fruit she desires, however she desires it; doesn't even complain when she wakes in the wee hours of the morning with a desperate craving for muja fruit-filled donuts covered in hot chocolate sauce, with golden lichen tuiles.

Best of all, Rey thinks, is watching him with their unborn child.

He has taken to resting his head in her lap during quiet moments, to talk to the baby growing inside of her. He tells them how much he loves them, how much they and their mother matter to him. He showers them both with praise and affection that they need do nothing to earn, and even talks about nothing at all; he wants them to know his voice, he says, and how very wanted they are.

Rey has a family, and she has never felt so loved.

Perhaps that is what makes it easier, when the Resistance finally decides to make sure she's okay.


	6. Chapter 6

Poe Dameron is an idiot.

Not that this is news to Rey - the man has always been an idiot (a brave idiot, he would insist, but a brave idiot is still an idiot, so the point remains). At times it almost seems to add to his charm; at others it is infuriating (like when he decides to try _lightspeed skipping_ the _Falcon_ ). And she appreciates his loyalty as a friend, truly she does.

But flying into the midst of the First Order fleet to hail the _Steadfast_ is a kriffing stupid thing to do, even if it is meant for her benefit. Somehow. (What does he even think he's going to do if she _does_ need rescuing?) The man's just lucky Ben had anticipated such idiocy, and previously given orders not to fire on lone Resistance fighters unless they have been fired on first (or they appear to be about to pull a Holdo, or he ordered otherwise).

Messages could always be worth hearing, after all (especially if they gave everyone a good chuckle at Hux's expense).

It is... hard to be truly mad at him once she gets to the bridge and actually hears his voice again, however.

"Rey?" Her heart clenches at the familiar sound, even as she comes to take her place beside the Supreme Leader. It shouldn't be possible, but his tone somehow manages to be equal parts cocky arrogance (the likes of which it would certainly take to intentionally fly up to and hail an enemy star destroyer in a lone X-wing) and genuine worry. "C'mon Sunshine, just tell me you're okay."

She's missed him, she can't deny it. Just as she misses Finn and Rose and Leia and Chewie. Just as she misses BB-8 and the _Falcon_ and, on very rare occasions, the inane prattling of C-3PO.

She wishes she could _talk_ to him, like she wants to. Like his friend. But she knows that Ben cannot clear the bridge for her without raising suspicion, cannot give her the chance to speak to him privately. Not without endangering her, and their not-so-little bump.

A small touch lets her know he is sorry. His eyes tell her that he knows she can do this. (At least one of them does.)

The bond reminds her just how much she is loved.

"I'm here, Poe," she finally responds, and she can hear his sigh of relief over the comm. "And I _am_ okay." It's hard to sound friendly enough that he believes her, while simultaneously not sounding so friendly that her loyalty is called into question. She isn't even entirely sure the middle ground exists, but she has to try. "I've also made my choice, and this is where I need to be."

_Please go home,_ she wants to tell him. _Get to safety and don't worry about me._

_Tell the others I miss them._

BB-8 is almost certainly there with him. She wishes she could talk to her droid friend, too.

Ben's arm wraps around her, urging her just that little bit closer, and she allows herself to curl into his side, resting her head against him, accepting the offered comfort. This is worth it. _They_ are worth it.

Poe takes an alarmingly long time to respond, and when he finally does, she doesn't know if she wants to hug him or hit him. "You didn't use the code word," he objects.

Rey almost throws her hands up into the air in a sudden fit of exasperation, barely manages to keep from jerking out of her lover's arms to properly rage at the idiot. "Because I'm not under duress, Dameron." Of course he wouldn't make this easy. Pryde is standing right over there, pretending like he _isn't_ entirely focused upon her, watching her out of the corner of his beady little eyes, and Poe has decided to be difficult.

She shouldn't be surprised. Poe is usually difficult.

At least Hux hasn't arrived yet to make things worse.

"Are you sure?" the maddening Resistance pilot asks.

"Yes!" she tells him, and hopes the clear irritation in her voice will at least help her case with the First Order. "I am not under duress. I want to be here. If you weren't going to believe me, maybe you should have come up with a code word for _not_ being under duress, you kriffing nerf herder."

She isn't quite yelling yet, though. That's an accomplishment, given how their arguments usually end up going.

"Is it true you're pregnant?"

Rey would want to kill him, if he wasn't genuinely in danger of getting himself killed. It's a frustrating conundrum, and she opens her mouth to say _something_ , to tell him off for it, is pulling away from Ben to really lay into him, only--

A gasp escapes her instead, and she suddenly has the full attention of every last person in the room. The silence is almost deafening in its completeness; every eye is now fixed firmly upon her - and her hand, which has flown to her belly.

"I felt something," she hears herself saying, even as her attention turns inward.

And now Ben _is_ ordering everyone from the room. From the bridge. And they are going without question, because the Supreme Leader is clearly hanging by a thread, and no one wants to risk being the one to unravel it.

"Rey," he is saying, in front of her now, hands on her arms as if to help keep her steady as he hovers over her in concern. "Rey, tell me you're okay."

Oh. She hadn't meant to frighten him. She just--

She feels it again, a fluttering sensation where their baby resides inside of her, and a laugh of pure _joy_ is suddenly spilling from her.

"I felt our baby move." Her voice is soft and full of wonder, as the life inside her suddenly feels so very _real_.

Ben's relief is palpable as he presses his forehead to hers and simply _breathes_ for a moment. Once he's recovered from the burst of overwhelming panic, he plants a kiss upon the tip of her nose, her cheek, her lips, and then he is sinking to his knees before her and wrapping gentle arms around them both. He presses a kiss to her swollen belly, and greets the life within.

Poe swears.

They had forgotten about him, to be honest. The whole bridge, apparently, had forgotten about him. And the comms had been left on.

"I'm okay, Poe," Rey is able to reassure him properly this time, even as her free hand comes to bury itself within her bondmate's hair (the other still cradles her belly). "And I appreciate you coming to make sure, I do. But I... I'm choosing to be here. I know you can't understand it, but I love him, and we're going to have a baby together, and I--" She pauses a moment, takes a breath. Tries to rein in her thoughts before they all start spilling from her at once. "I'm sorry I can't be what you all needed me to be. But I'm happy here, and I'm going to stay."

She has hurt her friends. Hurt the Resistance. And she is sorry for that.

But she cannot be sorry for what she has found with Ben, cannot ultimately regret anything that has brought her here to him, to this. Cannot regret anything that has led to the precious little life growing inside of her. This is where she belongs, and even the Force agrees with her.

And Poe isn't happy with her choice, of course, but... "I'm glad you're okay, Sunshine."

By the time anyone dares disturb them, the Resistance pilot has long since fled. Hux is furious, of course, but the _Steadfast_ wouldn't even be his to command without the Supreme Leader present, so no one seems to pay him much mind. They seldom do these days, really.

* * *

_"Is it true you're pregnant?"_

He had sounded like he was joking. Like they were sharing a laugh at the ridiculous flights of fancy touted in the gossip holos, as they so often had over breakfast with their friends a scant few months ago.

Like he had learned about the rumour on the holonet, and thought it just as ridiculous as all the rest. He clearly hadn't expected it to be true.

Only he should have. Doctor Kalonia, Leia, Rose, and likely Chewie had all known she was pregnant before she even left. She had even left Leia a note, letting her know Ben was the father - specifically so that they wouldn't feel the need to send anyone after her. So how could he not have already known?

It was, admittedly, possible that Chewie hadn't actually known (though Rey doubts it), and even if he did, she had trouble imagining him telling anybody. And Poe didn't speak Shyriiwook anyway. Rose, loyal friend that she is, may not have told anyone either. And of course, Doctor Kalonia _wouldn't_ , because that would be a breach of doctor/patient confidentiality, and she would never do that. But Leia...

Leia should have told him. Should have told all of them, really, but especially Poe, who was her second in command and exactly the kind of idiot to run off and hail an enemy star destroyer to make sure his friend wasn't being held against her will. It was Leia's Resistance to begin with, and allowing them to hear about where Rey was and why via rumours on the holonet would be far more damaging to morale than if she simply told them herself. And it would be damaging, Rey knows.

She can only think of one possible reason for Leia to have kept it from them, really, but she is afraid to. To give it words would be to give it power, to create hope. And that would mean risking the pain of then having that hope dashed.

She certainly cannot share it with Ben. It would hurt him too much, should it prove to be wrong. And so she keeps it to herself, barely even thought.

* * *

The First Order, Rey couldn't help but notice, was beginning to change. It was slow, of course, and all very carefully done - so carefully Rey wonders if anyone else has really begun to notice yet - but the change is there all the same.

Most of their military campaigns meant to bring the galaxy to heel have petered off, their forces increasingly redirected towards keeping the peace, protecting trade routes, routing the criminal activity that had exploded in the wake of the destruction of the Hosnian system. Resources are being directed towards helping those planets that capitulate to them rebuild. The support has lead to even more planets, even more systems choosing to join them. The First Order is increasingly gaining control of the galaxy, but it is doing it without force.

Rey suspects the current stormtrooper program may be on its way out, as well. Under the new Supreme Leader, they are increasingly being treated like actual human beings, and debates have begun in council meetings about the possible benefits of a droid or clone army. Hux continues to protest, but his influence is clearly waning.

The lack of children being stolen to be turned into weapons also means that active resistance to their rule is shrinking. While it is instinctive to fight back against a hand that does nothing but take from you, threatens to harm you, a hand that protects and feeds you and keeps things _running_ is a different beast entirely.

And the galaxy cannot run and defend itself. Not without a government and a fleet, which the First Order just so happens to have.

* * *

Growing a person was hard, and the more her baby grew, the more Rey took to napping. She was _tired_ , almost all the time now. Ben worried, and she was having to see his chosen doctor more often than she suspected was entirely normal, but the woman assured them it was nothing to worry about so far - that it was just a result of Rey's poor nutrition before she conceived, and shouldn't prove too worrisome so long as she continued to eat well and receive the supplemental shots she'd recommended. And, of course, continued to listen to her body, and rest when she needed it.

The Knights increasingly worried too, have taken to hovering around her everywhere she goes. The slightest hesitation from her as the baby moves once again, and they are on high alert, terrified that something might be wrong. Does she need to sit down? Take a break? Maybe she should sit down, they really think it might be a good idea for her to sit down, just for a minute... Is she sure she doesn't want to go back to her room for another rest? Should she really be doing this much walking around? What did the doctor say? Well, what does the doctor know anyway, surely she should be taking it more easy than she is. Is she hungry? Does she need them to get her something? Should they go fetch Ren for her?

Some days, Rey just kind of wants to murder everyone. It's the hormones, she knows, just as she knows she would never actually do it; but that knowledge doesn't make her any less prickly and unpleasant to be around. So on those days, she drags her poor Knights down to the hangar to watch (and guard) as she sets about dismantling something.

She likes to know how things fit together, what makes them work. Years of scavenging for survival have taught her that taking things apart is a great way to learn about them. And now she has access to all of the latest First Order tech, whether they appreciate her particular use of it or not (they do not, she knows, but neither are they willing to cross her when she is both clearly so irritable and so very, _very_ pregnant with the Supreme Leader's child).

It also likely helps that her ever-increasing waistline has finally caused her to abandon pants, and she now looks like some sort of Sith queen in the stylish black robes she's taken to wearing instead (which are actually proving to be really quite comfortable, to say nothing of how much Ben enjoys her in them).

If she is being completely honest, the internal tears of some of the techs as they watch her rip into the newest TIE fighter can actually be incredibly satisfying when she's in a mood like this, and are one of the reasons she continues to do it. Their misery makes her feel better, and apparently pregnancy hormones are turning her into a terrible person.

Ben thinks it's hilarious. His officers don't know what to make of the Lady Rey's growing tendency to take their ships apart, and they certainly don't know how to react when they see her gleefully buried elbow-deep in an engine, covered in grease and grinning like the little scavenger she is. And he doesn't feel nearly so bad about enjoying his technicians' misery, either.

Besides, it isn't as though she doesn't put them back together again afterwards.

It also keeps her from taking her frustrations out on _him_ , for which he is extremely grateful. He much prefers to help her work off a decidedly different sort of energy, to say nothing of teaching her the benefits of those skirts she now wears.

* * *

There's a bassinet in their room now, not far from their own bed. A changing table. Tiny little baby clothes tucked into drawers, and a growing collection of toys (the Knights of Ren have taken to bringing them back with them after any missions they are sent on, and it is one of the most endearing things Rey has ever seen). There is also an old fashioned rocking chair, which Rey likes to sit in sometimes, surrounded by all the baby things while she imagines what it will be like to have their baby out here in the world with them.

Sometimes, she cannot wait. Wants to hold her little one in her arms so badly they _ache_. Other times, no matter how dreadfully uncomfortable she becomes, she dreads the thought of being parted from them even that much, of not having this precious little life safely here inside of her. She has grown used to being part of this pair, and thinks she will miss having her baby with her _always_ , everywhere she goes.

Their little one was giving them proper kicks now, especially when they heard their voices. As though they _recognized_ them. Rey spoke to them too, now. Was constantly talking to them. And Ben has even begun to _sing_ to them, a lullaby remembered from his own childhood.

He is teaching it to Rey, who has no such memories of her own.

_"Mirrorbright, shines the moon, its glow as soft as an ember,_   
_When the moon is mirrorbright, take this time to remember..."_

She loves him so much sometimes, it almost hurts. And seeing just how much he loves their baby...

His dark eyes are suddenly meeting hers with a hint of alarm, and he is reaching out to soothe her, to wipe away the tears she hadn't even realized were escaping. "Don't cry," he softly urges, his own heart breaking a little every time this happens.

Her laugh comes out decidedly watery, but really, he should know better than to think he can stop the sudden tears by now. Some days, it feels as though she cries at _everything_.

"I love you," she tells him, her own hands irresistibly drawn to the softness of his hair, needing to run themselves through it and hear his contented sigh.

He touches their foreheads together again, a simple gesture of affection that she loves entirely too much. "And I love you," he echoes.

He has dimples when he smiles. Rey hopes their child will have them, too.

"What was it like?" Rey found herself asking, much as she knows the topic can hurt them. But she increasingly worries that her own lack of such memories will mean she doesn't know how to be a good mother to her baby, and she cannot imagine asking such a thing of anyone else. She _so_ wants to be a good mother. "Having parents?"

Ben's arms tightened around her, and she wrapped her own around him, comforting each other. They have both known what it is to be alone, to feel abandoned. And rather than trying to find the words, she feels him shift his forehead a bit where it rests against hers, feels him press his _mind_ against hers, and he is somehow able to push the memories into hers, as though they have always been able to do such a thing.

Perhaps they always have.

She's small, child-sized, and being carried about on a man's (Han's) shoulders. Being tucked into bed by his mother at night, as she sings a familiar lullaby. Sitting in his father's lap as he shows her (him) how to pilot the _Falcon_. Waking from nightmares of darkness, to find his mother there to soothe him and dry his tears.

There is also fighting, though. Han and Leia shouting at each other in the night, when he is meant to be sleeping but instead hides under the covers, frightened and wishing they would stop. Han storming out and not coming back for days, weeks. Finding himself lost in a crowd of diplomats after his mother has wandered away. Droids caring for him, when his parents should be, when all he wants is for them to be there with him. Knowing they are too busy, that other things are more important to them. And the fear in their eyes, every time he loses control, every time he gets upset and breaks something with the Force, though he doesn't mean to. And a familiar, frightening voice, always there, always whispering in his mind about how they fear him, how they will turn on him, until they finally abandon him to the uncle who will try to kill him in his sleep.

They are both crying, in the end. It takes a while, before Rey even realizes that the mantra tumbling from her lips is an apology - not for the asking, but for how much he has been hurt, how much he still hurts.

They had loved him, but still failed him, and in some ways it's even worse than simply being abandoned by parents who didn't care. He had been given a taste of what he was missing, and then denied it again and again, left to feel as though he wasn't good enough.

"I'm so sorry, Ben," she is telling him, holding him to her as tightly as she can with their bump between them. "I'm so sorry they hurt you. You _are_ good enough, and you deserve all the love in the world, I promise you won't ever be alone again, I _promise_."

He believes her, and that means _everything_.

They are going to do better, for their own little one. They have to.


	7. Chapter 7

The Force woke her, before the contractions could; a faint trilling in the energy that bound the whole universe together, and now seemed to be saying _it's time!_

The first ones aren't bad at all, really. _I can handle this,_ Rey thinks to herself, and even feels a bit annoyed with the Force for waking her - she likely could have slept a little longer through this.

It doesn't remain that way, however. As the pain gradually moves from her back to her front, it undeniably grows in intensity; she wouldn't be able to sleep through this. Still, Rey is no stranger to pain, she can handle it.

She decides to go use the 'fresher while she still has the chance, slipping out of bed carefully enough to avoid waking her bondmate. It's fine; everything is going to be fine. Women do this all the time, and this isn't Jakku, it's nothing to panic about.

Her water breaks on the way back to bed, and she is annoyed by the bad timing. She is suddenly uncomfortably wet, and in need of a fresh nightgown, but it's fine. This is supposed to happen. She doesn't even need to send BB-9M for the doctor yet - they've likely got hours to go still. No use getting everyone all excited and causing a fuss before it's necessary.

Ben's wake-up call is not as kind as Rey's was. Mainly because a particularly painful contraction has her suddenly gripping his arm rather more tightly than she ought to, as she tries and fails to suppress a moan. He realizes what is happening pretty quickly after that, a moment of excitement promptly turning to panic and concern, and then all the fussing is starting, obviously.

Rey still thinks it is too soon for all the fussing, and she suspects the doctor agrees with her, but the poor woman is hardly going to argue with a clearly agitated Supreme Leader. Also, it is rather nice that she can now be as loud as she wants without having to worry about _starting_ all this fuss.

The contractions are hurting a lot more now, and coming more often. This is... she can still do this. She _can_. Even if she has to scream bloody murder on occasion to manage it.

She really wishes Ben would stop with the nervous pacing. She keeps bringing him back to her side with the usual silent request of holding out her hand for his, but a few minutes later his nerves have him back to the pacing again. He is not good at waiting for things outside of his control, not adjusting well to the reality of Rey being in pain and not being able to do anything about it.

She _really_ wishes the kriffing Knights on the other side of the door would stop pacing; she can feel their fretting, and it is driving her mad, but she can't send them away because they are her (their) protection.

The contractions _hurt_ , and Rey is finding she isn't a big fan of people anymore. Would rather like to yell and holler at the lot of them, just now. She settles for some particularly good screams instead.

By the time the doctor says she is ready to start pushing, Rey thinks she is about ready to order the execution of everyone on this ship, including her bondmate, who is the reason her body is doing this to her. She can perhaps understand the desire to unleash a weapon like Starkiller on the galaxy, but suspects this particular understanding would only ever apply to women in labour, so what was Snoke's excuse? It is a good thing she isn't actually a Jedi, or she would need to be doing some serious self reflection right about now.

She thinks she may deserve a reward for managing to restrain herself from yelling at Ben, who is full of nothing but love and concern, and doing his best to support her (even after she almost breaks his hand).

Rey isn't sure precisely when, but at some point she decides that if that kriffing doctor tells her to _push_ just one more time, she is going to Force choke her. She's never tried it before, but she's willing to give it a go. The fact that she ultimately doesn't is a sign of her _monumental_ restraint, and the universe should be karking thanking her for it.

The fussing aspect of the whole production ultimately lasts over 13 hours, and Rey hates absolutely everything in the universe right up until her daughter is placed in her arms.

Then she knows nothing but love.

* * *

They name her Dawn, for she is shiny and new and deserving of a life unburdened by the past, and she is the most beautiful, most perfect baby in the universe.

Her hair is dark, like her father's. Her skin is quite red at the moment, but Rey suspects it will be quite pale before long. She has the tiniest, most perfect little fingers and toes in all the galaxy, and a perfect little bow of a mouth. Ben thinks she has Rey's nose, and they are both imagining what it might look like with a dusting of freckles like her mother's dancing across it. Her eyes are blue at the moment, but apparently that is likely to change in the coming months; they are shaped like Ben's, and Rey hopes they will inherit the beautiful brown of them too, while he is hoping for Rey's hazel.

The next few weeks pass in a blur. Dawn is either awake and eating, or fast asleep, or displeased by the delay of either. Her parents sleep whenever they can, and Rey takes a break from First Order affairs in order to fully focus on her daughter.

Ben misses her help and company about as much as he misses sleep, but he can't argue with it. Rey provides the food, after all, making her rather more indispensable.

At least Dawn takes to breastfeeding well, and shows no signs of colic or tummy troubles.

All in all, she is a genuinely good baby.

And she is most certainly _loved_.

* * *

Ben is a godsend, Rey thinks absently, as he drags himself up out of bed in the early hours of the morning. BB-9M is trilling to let them know Dawn is due for another feeding (left breast, this time), but he is shushing the little droid to let her rest just that little bit longer.

Rey had thought growing a person was exhausting, but keeping them alive just after is proving even worse. At least she'd technically been getting sleep while she was pregnant; now she rarely ever does, or it at least feels that way. She certainly never gets to sleep for long. She has never been so tired, and some days she feels as though she is simply running on auto-pilot, surviving with barely any thought applied to it at all.

The bed dips as he rejoins her, and she is barely even aware of the slight adjustments he makes, eager to let her sleep as much as possible, even during feeding time. She wakes a little more as she feels their daughter latch onto her nipple and begin to drink, but the soothing noises he makes soon have her half-drifting off again.

His arms are around her and their little one both, cradling them, protecting them, loving them. He is humming a lullaby again, though he may not actually realize it.

He has a council meeting in a few more hours. She should really be the one who is awake this time. But he presses a kiss to the side of her head, where he can currently reach, and sends soothing thoughts across the bond, and she finds it is hard to mind.

_Let me do this for you,_ he seems to say, and so she lets him.

She is back asleep again before Dawn has even finished, secure in the knowledge that Ben will take care of her. That he will take care of them both.

Later, in the afternoon, it is Ben's turn for sleep. Curled into her dozing lover's side, watching as their sweet baby girl slumbers on his chest, listening to the gentle little puffs of her breath, Rey doesn't think she has ever been quite so perfectly happy. Even if she never feels truly rested ever again, she knows that this is worth it. Her perfect little family.

This is worth _anything_.

* * *

When Rey and Dawn finally begin to emerge from the sanctuary of the Supreme Leader's private rooms, they make no production of it. Rey merely begins to bring her sweet baby out into the corridors of the ship for walks (in the company of their Knights, of course), and those who see them largely pretend not to. Ben joins them whenever he can, and those who cannot help but see how much he dotes upon both mother and child do their best to pretend not to see that either, lest he feel the need to remind them all of the meaning of fear. (Secretly, many of them begin to think it is sweet.)

Ceremony, ridiculous as it may be, cannot be avoided forever, of course. Eventually the little princess has to be formally presented to his commanders, and a proclamation of her birth sent out amongst the stars, even if they haven't yet decided precisely what it means. (Was this to be an Empire, and Dawn the new heir, or were they creating something else? It didn't seem terribly important to figure out just now.) Talk rather suggests that the couple are expected to be married (in a no doubt lavish ceremony) sooner rather than later, but neither of them are overly concerned by formal legal agreements at the moment; they are two halves of a whole, now two thirds of a family, and they will get around to it eventually, when the time is right.

Rey begins to return to council meetings, albeit with the babe in her arms, and only abandons them if Dawn becomes fussy and refuses to be soothed. The first time she proceeds to breastfeed at one of them is certainly an... _experience_ for much of Command, but they quickly learn to at least pretend not to notice, especially with the Supreme Leader standing protectively at her back, ready to cut down anyone who dares comment about it or even look at her the wrong way.

If any had hoped her influence might die down once she was no longer carrying the Supreme Leader's child, they were to be sorely disappointed. Not only had her influence not diminished, but her confidence had grown.

And Rey was actively using the Force again, under the loving guidance of her new teacher. She was progressing quickly too, even with the lack of time and sleep; the bond allowed for a rather handy bit of cheating, as Ben was able to share things with her she would otherwise have had to work out for herself.

* * *

"I think I might be able to fix it," Rey finds herself voicing her wonder aloud as she reads over the passages again.

Ben is walking aimlessly about the room with their little one, singing about the mirrorbright moon as he tries to soothe her back to sleep, but he sends a brief encouragement through the bond in the hope she will continue, even if he doesn't have a clue what she's actually talking about.

"The kyber crystal," she clarifies, somewhat absently as she rereads it _again_ , unable to help doubting herself a little. Could it really be so simple as it sounded? "The Chronicles of Brus-bu... I think they're suggesting it can be _healed_."

"We could just go find you a new one," he offered, not for the first time, finally interrupting his singing. "Ilum wasn't the only planet they could be found on." Dawn made a tiny sound of complaint, and he obediently returned to the lullaby; he had been utterly wrapped around their little girl's finger from the first moment she wrapped her tiny little fist around a finger of his own.

But Rey waves the suggestion aside, as she has done before. "We don't have time right now." And she was hardly going to take Dawn along on some perilous mission to hunt down a crystal of her own, any more than she was going to be parted from her. "This one did call to me, and I can't just leave it broken if there's a way to fix it."

It had been his grandfather's, after all. And it was ultimately her fault they had broken it. (She should have stayed, should have just taken his hand right from the beginning, as she'd wanted to.)

Ben frowns a little though, even as his eyes continue to smile down at a sleepy Dawn. "Force healing is a lost art, though," he reminds her. "Even before the Empire, the Jedi could no longer do it."

Even Luke had been unable to figure it out, he doesn't say, but Rey picks it up anyway.

"Then it's a good thing I'm not a Jedi," she points out stubbornly, and earns a smile.

It isn't as though he would try to stop her from experimenting anyway. And if anyone could figure it out, he has no doubt it will be her.

His faith in her never fails to inspire that lovely warmth of love and happiness she feels welling up inside.

It is time to see about making a lightsaber of her own.

* * *

They make a good team so far, taking turns getting up in the night and napping during the day. Dawn's every need is being met, and no child has ever been more thoroughly loved. Dawn is wrapping people around her precious little fingers almost effortlessly, and there is nothing quite like the sight of the Knights of Ren gathered around the baby and cooing at her, desperate to win some measure of her attention.

Dawn is even beginning to recognize them now, able to tell even the different masks apart. Though her parents remain her clear favourites, her whole face lighting up the moment she catches sight of either one of them. There are dimples in her smile.

Rey thinks she may have even seen Pryde's face soften a bit when he saw the babe the other day, though she fully admits she may have simply imagined it, allowing her own sentiment to influence her observations. It is difficult for her to imagine anyone not loving her sweet little baby, after all.

Ben is entirely certain anyone not loving Dawn is impossible, and Rey loves him all the more for it. He is going to be the most devoted father the galaxy has ever seen - he already is, really.

Unfortunately, it soon becomes clear that not everyone has succumbed to their little one's charms.

* * *

There was no thought behind it, no conscious decision made as to how or why or who; there was only the Force trilling a warning that her child was in danger, the startlingly cold fury that filled her to think anyone would _dare_ , and then Rey had been lighting up the perpetrator with Force lightning.

She hadn't known she could do that, never would have guessed she was capable of such a thing. She hadn't even known it was possible to feel a fury so chillingly _cold_. In the moment, she also does not care; she certainly doesn't feel sorry for it.

Her child is safe, and cooing in her arms, and Rey will gladly do it again if necessary.

The rest of the bridge seems to realize it too, as everyone from the Allegiant General down remained perfectly still but for the cautious raising of their hands in clear surrender.

Vaylin Ren moved, cautiously, unthreateningly, to confirm the man was dead (Rey does not need it, felt it the moment his heart gave out). There is a blaster in his hand, unnoticed until now.

Ben is before her, lightsaber in hand and ready to defend them from any further threat, even as his own rage threatens to overwhelm at the notion that any might dare threaten his family; the shock of what Rey has just done will not even register for him until later. The rest of the Knights of Ren take up position around them, their own weapons drawn and ready.

Even BB-9M looks ready to shock anyone who dares get too close to the Lady Rey and Princess Dawn, and is hissing threateningly as it protectively circles them all.

The growing danger is inescapably clear, and the tension within the room rises to near breaking point.

"My Lady?" Pryde eventually seeks permission to move, to act, his voice utterly deferential.

Rey gives the man a cool nod, and he promptly begins barking orders to have the traitor's body removed from the bridge, an investigation begun to find any possible co-conspirators, and a search of his quarters executed. Pryde himself is angry, she realizes, and far moreso than she would have expected.

She still does not like the Allegiant General, still feels there is something _off_ about him, and the almost expectant way he watches her. But she does trust him to do his job here, for whatever reason.

It was an enlisted man, Rey eventually processes as she is returned to her rooms in something of a daze. Odds are good he did not act on his own.

She spends the next hour or so tucked securely in her bondmate's arms, their daughter safe between them, and she thinks she may not mind if he never again lets them go.

Dawn minds, though, when it finally gets in the way of her dinner.

"You can use Force lightning," Ben eventually observes, still more than a little in shock, as Rey takes a seat on the nearby couch and sets about feeding their little one.

"Apparently," Rey acknowledges, still rather in shock herself. None of it feels quite _real_ yet, and she is grateful for the respite she has been granted by that, however long it may last.

Luke would be horrified. Even Leia, she suspects, would be ashamed to learn her former student is capable of such a thing. Force lightning had never belonged to the Jedi, after all; there was nothing light about it, beyond a coincidence of spelling.

_Rey_ should be horrified, really, or at least a little bit frightened. Alarmed. Concerned. _Something._ But all she feels even now is glad that she was able to protect her child. Glad that she could likely do it again, should she need to. And that simmering fury that any would dare harm her precious little girl.

"I'm not sorry," she admits quietly, and Ben's arms are enfolding her once again, albeit carefully, so as not to disturb Dawn.

"Never be sorry for protecting this family," he barely manages to keep from growling, his own fury only barely restrained, and only because Dawn is near and he cannot bear to leave either of them just now. "You do whatever you have to, to keep the two of you safe. _Please._ "

It would destroy him, to lose her and Dawn. Just as it would likely destroy her to lose them.

"I promise."

She would keep all three of them safe, even as he risked himself to protect them.

Still, a little vacation may not be amiss, while the investigation is underway.

_Somewhere green,_ she cannot help but catch him thinking.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lengthy delay for this one, guys! Turns out pandemics aren't great for my muse, but I'm finally happy with it now - hopefully you will be, too! :D

Vaylin Ren was to remain on the _Steadfast_ to oversee and assist with the investigation, and to ensure that the Supreme Leader's orders were followed in his absence; as a (secret) Clawdite beneath the mask, she was eminently suited to the task, even among the other Knights of Ren. Perhaps most importantly, she was to ensure that any co-conspirators remained alive, to be personally interrogated by the Supreme Leader upon his return. There was no hiding from Kylo Ren, after all, and he had to be certain no traitors escaped the net to remain as a threat to his family.

You did not threaten what was his, and he would see to it that no one made that mistake again. An example would have to be made. And Rey had no interest in stopping him, especially when their daughter's safety was on the line.

The rest of the Knights, of course, were to accompany them, much as the Praetorian Guard had once accompanied Snoke wherever he went (even if that had mostly just been from his bedroom to his throne room and back again, the creature hadn't exactly been one for getting out much). They would largely keep their distance though, only intruding when absolutely necessary, in order to give this new little family a chance to truly settle into being a new little family, free of all the background noise that was the First Order and the stage of galactic politics (and, apparently, assassination plots).

* * *

Ben takes them to Naboo. To a world of shimmering blue waters, grassy green fields, and even greener forests. Where colourful flowers dot the landscapes of cities and fields alike, and even the buildings are elegant creations of stone and domed, brightly coloured rooftops.

The sand here is only to be found alongside the waters, and it is _soft_ against her toes. The sun shimmers and dances upon the surface of the lake, and provides a delightfully soothing warmth, rather than the scorching heat Rey has previously known. The wind is a gentle breeze that rustles the leaves of the nearby trees in a beautiful symphony of nature, and it is a relief after a lifetime of fearing it as a herald of the X'us'R'iia.

It is beautiful. _Gentle_. Perfect. Like something out of a dream, only this place is so much better than the island on Ahch-to, with its pervasive cold and damp and the hostile presence of a disappointing legend who did not want her there.

Rey thinks she may have abandoned Jakku sooner, had she known a place like this existed in the galaxy. She would have needed to find it, lose herself on it, until the cruelty of the desert had been reduced to little more than a dim and distant memory.

In which case she is glad she hadn't, or she may not have found Ben. May not have their precious little Dawn, asleep in her arms.

Every moment on this gentle world is like a balm to her soul, working to heal the hurts of Jakku and its desert. And she knows he chose it especially for her.

The lake house they are staying in is, Rey thinks, as big and grand as a palace, though Ben insists it isn't one. Every room is filled with beautiful colours and flowers and soft fabrics, and windows with sweeping views of the lake and their island, that let in that wonderfully gentle breeze. The kitchen is well stocked with food, their clothes and other effects await them in the appropriate drawers and closets, and a bassinet is all ready for Dawn in their bedroom, along with a collection of her toys.

It feels oddly like coming home, and surrounded by her little family as she is, Rey isn't sure she has ever felt more perfectly content. As though she suddenly has everything she's ever wanted.

"We'll come back," Ben promises her. "As often as you like." Simply because it makes her happy.

A droid (MLE-6) is present in the kitchen, to handle the cooking and washing up. BB-9M continues to accompany its ladies and help keep track of feedings and other such things for them. Their Knights are nearby but unseen, keeping them safe. And...

And there is a ghostly blue figure standing out on the balcony adjoining their bedroom, looking out over the waters, though he turns when they join him. As though he has been expecting them. Waiting for them, even.

He looks like Ben, Rey thinks, though she cannot say precisely why. It's in his face, and the way he carries himself. The tilt of his head. His smile, as he lays eyes upon them and their precious little girl.

"That's all I really wanted, you know," the Force ghost, as he can only be, tells them. "A family of my own, safe and happy, and a place where I truly belonged." His voice is mournful and full of regret, as though remembering past deeds and decisions, wondering precisely where everything had gone wrong, and if he might have been able to fix it, had he only known.

"Grandfather." Ben's voice is so full of shock and wonder that it barely carries any sound at all, yet they all somehow manage to hear it. And Rey finally understands just who they're talking to.

"Grandson," Anakin Skywalker greets him with an affectionate smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't reach you sooner."

Ben manages a frown, even as shocked as he is. "But you--"

"No, Ben," Anakin interrupts with a correction, and a rather apologetic shake of his head. He has a scar across his face, and it is almost eerie, how much it reminds her of Ben's. "The voice you heard was never me. It wasn't even Vader." His face pinches a bit with distaste, as though the very name has become bitter upon his tongue. "That man is long gone."

Ben isn't actually surprised by this, but she can feel his surprise to discover as much, closely followed by a cool acceptance. "Snoke," he theorizes.

And yet... Anakin does not actually confirm the theory. Rey thinks he looks almost frustrated for a moment, as if bound by some rule or limitation he has not actually agreed to, but is forced to abide by nonetheless. "In a manner of speaking," he says instead, and the distinction feels important, even if they cannot understand why.

He steps closer to them then, eyes drawn once more to Dawn, who continues to slumber undisturbed in Rey's arms. He stares down at her with the same love and awe Rey has so often glimpsed in her bondmate's eyes, and his disappointment is almost palpable when he reaches out to brush a gentle touch against her downy soft hair, only to remember he will not actually be able to feel it. "She's beautiful," he murmurs, attention wholly fixed upon his great-granddaughter. "I wish I could hold her. I wish... I could have held mine. But you two," Anakin's attention returns to them again, and there is hope in his eyes, if not actual certainty. "You're going to be okay, so long as you stick together. Trust each other. You can finish what I started."

And then he is gone.

Were Force ghosts always so irritatingly vague? Or perhaps it was a problem with Jedi in general, considering the writing in her stolen texts tends to be similarly frustrating.

"Ben?" Rey cannot help but worry for a moment, though he feels relatively calm through their bond. As though her very presence soothes and balances him.

Which it might; he certainly does as much for her.

He plants a soothing kiss atop her head before resting his own against it, and promises, "I'm fine." And he is, she can feel it.

He has her, and she has him, and they both have Dawn. It will all work out, whatever _it_ may be. So long as they have each other, they can do anything.

That night, he tells her about them. Anakin and Padme. He does not know as much as he'd like, but he shares with her what he does. Including the fact that this was where they had been married.

* * *

They take to sparring out on the veranda most mornings, while Dawn either plays or naps nearby. Rey is able to hold her own, in spite of their vastly differing levels of training and experience - largely because of the knowledge she'd accidentally stolen from him back on Starkiller. Still, stolen memories do not an expert make, and she struggles sometimes to adjust to the reality of her own body, to lunges not quite reaching so far as her mind expects them to, and her legs failing to take her as far. Years of using a staff have also complicated things, her own instincts leaning towards an entirely different weapon. (She wonders, sometimes, if she might be able to combine them.)

Still, she loves the feel of Ben's hands on her, as he helps her adjust her stance, corrects the angle at which she holds her practice blade, and eases her grip upon it ("gently, as though you were gripping _me_ ," he murmurs into her ear, and steals the breath from her lungs). The thrill of exchanging blows, of engaging in this dance that is coming to feel so natural between them. He corrects and praises in equal measure, and even when she doesn't do as well as she'd like, she can feel how incredibly proud of her he is. How much he _enjoys_ teaching her.

One day, they will teach Dawn together.

Of course, one form of dancing has a way of leading to another, and they should likely be ashamed of just how often they end up having sex out on the veranda where their Knights might be able to see, but they never do quite seem to manage it. They are too caught up in each other, in the moment, in the need to be as close to each other as two people can possibly be. They need each other so desperately sometimes, as though they truly are but two halves of a whole, and only complete when they are one.

Ben trains her to wield the Force as well, of course, and that seems to come to her much more easily, provided she is able to focus. And no, Ben, trailing kisses along her neck does not make for a fair method of testing her, it is only so distracting because it is _him_. (Should anyone else ever try such a thing, she would cut them in half.)

No, that did not mean that he should actually stop.

Rey wants to learn to stop blaster bolts like he can too, though convincing him to let her try proves quite the endeavor. (She wins in the end; he never can deny her anything for long.)

She also tries summoning the lightning once again, just to see if she can. It's difficult, without the active threat to her family, but the memory of her child being threatened... She just has to let herself succumb to the icy rage that beckons, and there it is, spilling from her fingertips in a wicked display of power.

It is exhausting to use, and she doesn't care for it. Doesn't like the way it makes her feel, the way an almost oily sort of darkness seems to cling to her for a while afterwards. But she is glad to know the option is there, should she need it.

Her kyber crystal finally accepts her energy and allows itself to be healed, the Force knitting the two pieces back together until there is no sign it had ever been broken. Ben is so proud of her she barely even notices her own feelings of accomplishment, and basks in the warmth of his instead. He thinks her incredible - magnificent - and in moments like this, she thinks she might actually be able to believe him.

Ben also teaches her to swim, and Rey delights in the feel of the water moving against her, surrounding her, almost as though it is embracing her. Her, a child of the desert.

But this place is already more of a home to her than Jakku had ever been.

* * *

A great many hours are spent simply cuddling and playing and talking with Dawn, of course. She is so perfect, their sweet little girl.

Rey sometimes thinks she could happily spend the rest of her life doing nothing but watching her daughter increasingly discover and explore her own limbs, gleefully kicking her chubby little legs, and arms flailing about in search of something to grab and stick in her mouth. She is working on rolling over now, though she is far from mastering it, and shows great displeasure whenever she finds herself stuck only partway.

Ben thinks she expects too much of herself, and suggests she likely gets it from her mother. Rey is rather more inclined to believe she gets it from both of them, their poor little girl doomed twice over, at least in that respect. But they will make sure she grows up knowing that she is enough, that she need never be any more or less than she _is_ , as they wish they might have been.

Dawn is always happiest when in the presence of both her parents, and Rey wonders if she can perhaps sense the contented way in which the Force seems to sing around them, when they are all together. There can be little doubt that she will be Force sensitive, given her heritage and most especially her parents, but there's no way of telling what she's actually aware of in that respect now.

Her laugh is quite possibly the most beautiful sound the universe has ever known, and Ben especially delights in earning it with tickles. Her babbling has become almost constant, and Rey enjoys their little conversations, even if she doesn't actually know what her little one is saying.

Even the simple act of holding her is wonderful. Nothing is more soothing than her sleeping girl snuggled up against her chest, and there is something almost intoxicating about her sweet baby smell.

* * *

"Tell me something," Ben prompts, as they cuddle together out on the veranda, basking in the gentle warmth of the sunlight. Dawn is half-asleep, curled against her mother's chest, a handful of Rey's hair clutched tightly in her fist.

It is a game they have played before, a way of learning new things about each other. Only something the other doesn't already know counts, and it's been fascinating to discover just how many random little things they have pulled from each other's heads, both intentionally and not.

Rey hums contentedly as she thinks, before a rather wicked little grin spreads across her face. "I hit Luke," she admits without remorse. "After he interrupted us. He wouldn't tell me the truth, so I hit him with my staff while his back was turned."

Ben is suddenly chuckling, burying his face in her hair as he tries to keep it under control, tries to avoid disturbing Dawn; his love and affection and sheer wonder at her ferocity for _him_ flooding the bond. He ducks his head, and plants a kiss against the bare skin of her neck, making her sigh. "My hero," he declares, and _means_ it.

He is not used to people sticking up for him, let alone against the man who had been his uncle.

"Pulled the lightsaber on him, too, after he disarmed me," she murmurs softly, distracted by the feel of his lips moving against her skin.

Ben _snorts_ , hiding his face in the crook of her neck as he tries desperately to keep from roaring with laughter like he suddenly wants to at the thought of Skywalker's own lightsaber being wielded against him.

He thinks her ferocious, and Rey preens a little at the thought.

"Your turn," she then reminds him, once he can actually breathe again. She is so impossibly proud of her ability to make him laugh, there's no possible way for him to be unaware of it; the very air itself almost seems to hum with it, or perhaps that is the Force.

Ben let's out a little hum of his own as he thinks, sounding just as content as she had while searching for something new to share. But his ends up being far less amusing.

"I was so afraid he would kill you," he admits, voice quiet as he remembers the feeling, arms tightening a little as he continues to hold her.

"I know, Ben," she tells him, soft and soothing, as she shifts in his arms just enough to be able to press a reassuring kiss against the curve of his jaw. She had felt his terror, in that brief moment before their connection was forcibly broken. "I'm sorry."

He just holds her for a while, and they are both so grateful simply to be here. To have each other.

They still don't actually know why Luke had turned up at her room in the dead of night. His surprise at finding Ben there had been undeniable, so it could hardly have been that. Rey supposes they likely never will know.

"Your turn, still," she then nudges him, with a playful little grin that helps return them both to the present.

"Hmm," Ben pretends to think, but his energy tells her he's decided to play a bit instead. "I didn't kill anyone at the temple?"

"Know that, too," she tells him, though he already knows it full well; that had been part of a much earlier round.

His Knights had, though. To keep him safe, until he was ready to defend himself again. She doesn't blame them; if anything, she is grateful to them for keeping him alive.

"I used to talk to Vader's old mask," he playfully offers up, then.

"You don't say," she teases in turn, content to play along with this new little game. (The mask is long gone now, she knows that, too.)

"I have a bit of a temper," he declares with a grin.

"The whole galaxy knows that one, Ben." She is sounding downright cheeky by now, and they both know he loves it. (She does, too.)

"I wanted to be a pilot when I was little."

"And I like taking things apart to see how they work," Rey laughs.

Dawn stirs, and they both go very still for a moment, waiting with baited breath to see if she wakes. Her little fist moves, yanking on that fistful of Rey's hair (ouch), and she is definitely waking up.

BB-9M chirps a reminder that Princess Dawn is meant to be napping, something in its tone almost sounding reproachful, as though it knows full well who is to blame for disturbing her and does not approve (Ben, most likely, as it clearly prefers to blame the Supreme Leader over its Lady Rey whenever possible). Rey struggles to keep from dissolving into giggles again, this time over her cheeky little droid.

"Thank you, BB," she manages to get out instead, undeniable affection in her voice, even as Ben prickles a bit over being admonished by a droid.

Her bondmate is already humming a familiar tune though, and the next few minutes see them both singing to Dawn about the mirrorbright moon, soothing her back to sleep.

They are no longer alone, by the time they are finished.

And there are tears in Leia's eyes.

"Ben."

_Mom_ , Rey thinks she hears his heart respond, suddenly filled with more conflicting emotions than it quite knows how to deal with. But he clamps down on it in an instant, shutting them away until they can be dealt with properly (and more privately) later, and dons a rather sardonic mask of indifference instead. It is defensive, she knows, and she does her best to soothe him through their bond, reminding him of just how very much he is loved.

"Are you here to scold me for trespassing?" he asks coolly, even as he gives a small nod to the Knights (Qordis and Kaox, Rey thinks) who had been trailing their unexpected visitor, and the two disappear once more into the shadows.

Leia's own mask is up now, the tears gone as she rallies herself. Rey does her best to suppress a sigh as she realizes just how incapable these two are of communicating with each other.

"That depends," Leia tells him. "Does Rey not actually want you here?"

Rey also has no idea what they're actually talking about.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ben asks, frowning a bit as he rather loses his own grasp on the conversation, apparently. (She immediately feels better for it.)

"Everything," Leia informs. "Seeing as I signed the place over to her before Naboo capitulated."

Several things suddenly click into place as Rey realizes that this palatial home had belonged to Leia. Ben's clear familiarity with it, for one, though she hadn't given it much thought before now. How very ready for them it had been. And if it had belonged to Leia, the leader of the Resistance and technically a known terrorist, it would have been quite reasonable for the Supreme Leader to confiscate it for himself when Naboo signed their treaty with the First Order a few months earlier - not that Leia would have been likely to acknowledge the change in ownership, hence his needling her about it.

And he would actually need _her_ permission if...

"This is mine?" Rey finds herself asking in wonder, without even really meaning to voice it aloud. But she has never really had anything that was entirely and purely her own in such a way before, and so to find herself suddenly in possession of _this_ \- of this place that already feels so much like _home_... She doesn't have the words to even begin describing how she feels just now.

"It is yours," Leia confirms, with a kind smile just for her.

"It's Ben's too, then," Rey is immediately declaring. "He should always be with me."

Warmth suffuses their bond, and oh, but he adores her. She is given a home of her very own, and her first thought is only to make it his too.

But of course it is. She loves him.

At the end of the day, he _is_ her home.

"I would tell you to consider it a wedding gift, but I don't seem to recall hearing about one," Leia observes with a decidedly motherly disapproval, shooting a look at her son which rather suggests she assumes he is to blame.

"We'll get around to it," Rey assures her, albeit a bit carelessly. She still is not overly concerned with such formalities, and she certainly doesn't look forward to what a big production it is certain to wind up being.

She also rather thinks she might like to wait until Dawn is old enough to properly be a part of it.

The babe asleep on her breast lets out a contented little sigh, and Rey feels herself melt a bit with her own perfect contentment as her heart swells in her chest. For a moment, Dawn has everyone's full attention, and the atmosphere has suddenly gone soft.

Ben's head comes to rest upon hers, his own love and contentment momentarily overcoming the mess of emotions his mother inspires.

And Leia... Leia is taking a step towards them, almost as though she cannot help it, mask long gone as her eyes soak up the sight of her grandchild.

"Oh Rey," the older woman is suddenly saying in awe, "she's beautiful."

There is no leader of the Resistance standing before them now. No general, or former senator. No hero of the Rebel Alliance. No Organa, or Skywalker, or Solo. Just a grandmother, seeing her granddaughter for the first time.

"May I hold her? Please?" Leia finally asks - begs, really, and Rey has never known her to beg for anything.

Yet Rey hesitates a moment, a question returning to her that she had barely even allowed herself to ponder before. She finds she needs the answer now.

"You didn't tell them," she comments instead. "Not even Poe. Why?"

And this time Ben does not quite understand, but she knows Leia does. She had told her the truth about Dawn, albeit through a note, yet the General had not shared it with her own Resistance, or even her second in command. And it had almost gotten him killed.

Leia offered her a small smile that seemed to acknowledge she had been caught doing something she oughtn't (or in this case, not doing something she should). "Because some things are more important that rebellions and politics," the older woman admits. "You deserved whatever time I could give you. And I chose to have hope that I'm not too late in learning as much."

For perhaps the first time in her life, Leia had chosen to put her family first.

Rey carefully eases her sleeping girl into her grandmother's arms, and watches as Leia falls utterly and completely in love with her.

How could anyone not, after all?

* * *

Later, when they're in bed, Ben finally finishes his turn of their earlier game. "I miss her," he admits softly, clearly speaking of his mother. "As much as she hurt me, I never stopped missing her."

And Rey already knows that too, but she doesn't say as much for now. Just holds him, and let's her love for him suffuse their bond.

She understands. She still misses the parents who sold her sometimes, too, and she doesn't really even remember them.

But this hurt, at least, might yet be healed. In time. And today had been a good first step.

There was hope.

_"Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you'll never make it through the night."_


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Expect TRoS spoilers from here on out. Plans change, of course, but certain core facts remain the same, so if you haven't seen the movie yet and don't want anything spoiled, go no further! (The Knights of Ren don't count, because what even was that in the movie, seriously.)
> 
> Hopefully I don't lose too many of you. I know there's a lot of TRoS hate out there right now, but hopefully you'll give this version a chance!

There were seven traitors in all. The enlisted man Rey had already killed, another four enlisted personnel and a lieutenant, all of whom had previously served on the _Finalizer_ , and General Hux.

Because of course it had been Hux.

It had been a relatively simple plan: kill both mother and child, then simply stand back and watch as Kylo Ren destroyed himself. No doubt Hux had been looking forward to the show. And it likely would have worked, if not for the Force's warning, but the First Order hardly needed to know that.

Hux did not end up surviving the Supreme Leader's interrogation. Ben had broken him from the inside out, upon discovering precisely what lurked within his head (something he still refuses to share with Rey) - though not before determining that all the conspirators had, in fact, been caught. The remaining five now awaited public execution via laser ax, and they would not be left waiting for long.

Command, of course, was eager to distance themselves from the traitor Hux and his plans. To condemn all he had sought to do. To make their loyalty to the Supreme Leader, as well as the Lady Rey and Princess Dawn, plain - and to keep their heads firmly attached to their shoulders.

"Absolutely abominable," General Engell decried. "Unconscionable, really, to even consider such a thing."

A bit hypocritical, really, given the woman's own prior willingness to have other peoples children kidnapped and turned into weapons. But Rey held her tongue. She knows by now that Ben plans to replace most of the current members of his council in time. These are the old guard, necessary for his initial assumption of control, but ultimately unsuited for the direction in which he plans to take things.

It was all about patience now. To move too quickly would be to encourage a revolt, and they were trying to avoid that kind of bloodshed if possible.

"Deplorable, to seek to use a man's family against him in such a manner," Admiral Griss agreed.

"We are all so very relieved to know that you and her highness are safe again, my lady," General Parnadee practically fawned, laying it on so thick that Rey is actually left with the distinct impression that this woman quite _dis_ likes her for whatever reason. She doesn't particularly mind, though - she doesn't much care for Parnadee, either.

But Rey has a part to play too now, and is growing ever more adept at it with practice. "Thank you, General," she tells the woman with a smile.

And it isn't even a fake smile - not with Dawn in her arms, snuggled up against her and desiring cuddles. That it isn't actually in response to Parnadee's words... well, Command doesn't _really_ need to know that particular detail. Rey has deemed it _need to know_ information, and they most assuredly do not.

She misses Naboo. The simplicity, peace, and outright joy they had found there. But they can do some good from here, _will_ do good, and Ben promised they would return, so she knows that they will.

Here is also where she has access to the supplies and equipment necessary for the building of her lightsaber, a task she takes to with enthusiasm.

She dismantles the staff that had safely seen her through so many scrapes over the years, to serve as the hilt. It is to be longer than the old one, and longer than Ben's; Rey has always worked best with a staff, after all. The crystal, its heart, is the one that had once called out to Anakin Skywalker, and then allowed itself to be wielded by Luke for a time, before finally calling to her. The one she'd _healed_. She uses a few of the innards from that saber as well, in addition to the newer supplies her bondmate happily provides.

Ben guides her through it, every step of the way.

And in the end, she is the proud owner of a saberstaff all her own, with twin blades of a brilliant blue.

Finally, she can get to work training with it.

* * *

"Again," Ben is telling her, before she can even move to take the blindfold off; he's had her training against the combat remote for hours now.

Her accuracy and instincts are improving, and she is beginning to move as though her lightsaber is truly a part of her, as she _should_ , but the repetition is becoming boring, and her slip-ups increasingly frustrating (to her, anyway). He is pushing her harder than usual today, is typically more in tune with her emotions and keen to avoid too much frustration.

Perhaps he feels it too. That extra bit of weight or _something_ in the air that hints at something coming. It makes her feel anxious, which also isn't helping with her growing frustration with herself.

It also ensures that she doesn't argue, however. Though she does stick her tongue out at him, cannot quite seem to help it, and feels that surge of his affection for her through their bond in response, before returning her attention to the little remote that is shooting at her once more.

If something is coming, she needs to be ready for it. Needs to be better.

She needs to be able to keep her family safe and whole.

The frustration is beginning to win at this point, though.

"Kriff!" Barely even a minute in, and she's taken a hit to the arm. She should have blocked it, should have been _able_ to block it, she is better than that. Her next swing goes wide, and she takes another in the side. Frustration surges, impatience with herself close on its heels, and the thing immediately gets another three hits in. "FUCK!"

Ben finally turns the stupid remote off, and it takes just about everything Rey has in her to keep from throwing her now-deactivated lightsaber across the room, the need to _break_ something incredibly strong. She doesn't even want to take the kriffing blindfold off now, can feel the frustrated tears gathering and doesn't want him to see them, even if he can feel enough from her to likely already know they're there.

She needs to be better! Why isn't she better?

Ben's ridiculously oversized frame is surrounding her from behind, pulling her back against his chest and into an embrace; he relieves her of her saber without a word, clips it to her belt where it belongs, and simply holds her for a while. He is soothing, gentle. Understanding. (And so kriffing tall.)

"My fault," he tells her gently, and she can feel the words rumbling in his chest, as close as they are now. It's a nice feeling. He should always be this close to her. "I shouldn't have pushed so hard."

"I need to be better." The anger and frustration is already beginning to bleed out of her, unable to thrive within the warmth and security of his arms, but she still defends his initial decision - and still somehow manages to chide herself for her perceived failure.

"You're amazing," Ben corrects. "It takes most years of training to get to where you already are, Rey. And I'm here. You won't have to face anything alone, and we are both so much stronger when we're together."

He does feel it. Is worried, just as she is. But there is confidence there, too - that they can handle it, whatever it is. That they can do anything, so long as they're together.

_"You're going to be okay,"_ Anakin had told them.

Rey lets out a breath, some of the tension leaving her along with it, and allows herself to fully relax back into his embrace.

"I've never had more to lose," she admits at long last. It's such a frightening concept, now.

"Neither have I," he reminds her. "Which is why we won't."

Because this was worth fighting for. Yes.

He tugs gently at one of the ends of the silk that covers her eyes, loosening the tie and letting her see again. Turns her to face him, so that he can wipe the last remnants of frustrated tears from her eyes.

Rey rests her head against his chest, pressing as close to him as she can get while they're still clothed, and just breathes him in.

"I love you," she tells him.

_Thank you,_ she doesn't even need to say.

"Always," he promises, as his own head comes to rest atop hers.

Rey isn't sure how much time passes as they stand there in the middle of the training room, simply holding each other and basking in the other's warmth. Eventually however, reality intrudes, as it is so wont to do. Ben's comm chimes; General Pryde is _urgently_ requesting the Supreme Leader's presence on the bridge.

A shiver runs down Rey's spine; she has a bad feeling about this, and from the look in her bondmate's eyes, she's not alone. Their wait to see just what it is that's coming, what the Force has been so heavy with all morning, is perhaps about to come to an end.

Rey is suddenly up on her toes, and pulling Ben's head down to meet hers in a desperate kiss of _IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou_. She can't lose him, cannot _bear_ to lose him, and will fight the universe tooth and nail if she has to, to hang onto him and their precious Dawn. They are _hers_ , and nothing and nobody is going to take them from her.

The way that he holds her, so tightly and desperately against him it may very well leave bruises, as he practically devours her mouth in return rather suggests he feels very much the same way.

And then it is time to reclaim Dawn from her playpen in the corner, and they are off to the bridge to face this thing, whatever it may be. Together.

* * *

Rey cannot help but notice the stares she attracts, the moment they set foot on the bridge. They are different from the usual ones, assessing as though with new information, as if they finally know what it is they are looking for. Some of them are almost fearful, she thinks. Wary. Others are more awed or simply shocked. A few of the older officers are suddenly looking more genuinely respectful and _deferential_ than she has ever seen them. More like Pryde, really.

It's unsettling, and she cannot quite seem to help the extra little step she takes closer to Ben.

A transmission has come in, though they have missed the initial broadcast. Pryde assures them it has been contained to the bridge for now, at least on the _Steadfast_ , but also warns that they were not the only recipients - it has been transmitted all across the galaxy, on every frequency available. To every planet, moon, space station, and ship.

Then he has it played for them.

Rey does not understand the immediate reaction the decrepit-sounding voice seems to evoke, even among those who have already heard it. Ben has gone utterly still in a way she has never seen before at the sound of a single _word_ , his dread unmistakable through the bond, though his face remains utterly impassive.

"For so long, I have waited," the ancient and frankly chilling voice declares, "for my grandchild to come home. But perhaps, after all this time, she truly does not know."

Their eyes are still on her. Rey wishes they were not. It is making that not-so-little ball of dread in the pit of her stomach so much worse. Shouldn't they be more interested in the words than in her, even if they have already heard them? Or at least in the reaction of their Supreme Leader?

"Why else, after all, would she settle for such a title as _Lady_ , when she is meant to be an _Empress_?"

Oh.

_Oh._

No.

_Impossible._

"Come to me, my dear girl. Come to Exegol, Rey, and I will tell you the truth about your parents."

There is a strange ringing sound in her ears, blocking out anything else. The bridge and all its occupants are utterly still, every eye fixed firmly upon her.

She needs to make herself move, react, _do something_ , but her mind seems to have stuttered to a complete halt but for a constantly repeating refrain of _no no no no no..._

Ben's arm is around her, she rather dimly registers. He is saying something to Pryde, then subtly guiding her from the room and through the ship's corridors. She barely notices the Knights around them, let alone the weight of their concern.

Pryde knew, is her first real thought as her mind begins working again. He has from the very beginning, she is suddenly certain of it. The way that he was always looking at her, watching her, with a sort of expectation in his eyes. The deference he has always shown her. Which means she needs to know _how_.

She knows very little about the man, really. That needs to be rectified.

And then... then she needs the Jedi texts, because she thinks she has come across mention of an Exegol before.

"Pryde," she is suddenly saying, _quietly_ , to the bondmate at her side. "Tell me about him. Why did you make him Allegiant General?"

Whatever Ben has been expecting from her, this clearly isn't it. Still, he does not question her, either.

"I couldn't trust Hux with control of my army," he admits, equally quietly, his words meant only for her. "He had too much power, and no loyalty to me, but to demote him at that point would have incited a mutiny. So I promoted someone above him, instead."

Rey is nodding now, albeit a bit absently. She can see the logic, but, "Why Pryde specifically?" For she knows Ben would not have entrusted that kind of power to another lightly.

"It made the most sense. He was already in charge of our reserve troops, and thus they were more loyal to him than Hux. As more of them were integrated into active duty, the power balance began to shift anyway. He had also been fairly isolated from the rest of command while stationed in the Unknown Regions, which meant fewer other alliances to worry about, and thus increased the odds of him remaining loyal to me," he summarizes for her. "He also had shown a previous dislike for Hux, and he actually had prior experience from the days of the Empire."

Rey actually froze for a moment at that, forcing Ben to come to an abrupt halt along with her. Unknown Regions. Empire. Then she was moving again, under her own power this time, pace much quicker than before, though she managed to keep herself from anything that might be construed as a run. She couldn't be seen as fleeing, after all.

Her mind was racing now.

_"In a manner of speaking,"_ Anakin had told him. So Snoke, but not Snoke. Mimicking the voice of Darth Vader.

The First Order had been borne of what remained of the Empire, hiding out in the Unknown Regions after the war.

Snoke had emerged from the Unknown Regions.

Pryde had been stationed in the Unknown Regions.

Palpatine was almost certainly hiding in the Unknown Regions.

Just how much of all this had he orchestrated? Was any part of the First Order actually the First Order's, or was it all just a part of the Emperor's plan? Who knew beyond Pryde, and how much did he even know? Had Snoke been nothing but a pawn? A puppet? If so, had he been aware of it?

"It was him," she is fairly certain of this much, at least, and cannot seem to help but spill it out the moment they are safely shut away within the privacy of their rooms. "Palpatine was the one in your head. And he was connected to Snoke, it's the only thing that makes sense."

Ben is, well... Ben is looking a bit blindsided, to be honest, and Rey finally realizes that he has been preparing to help her deal with her shock, with the pain of her past family coming up again and the horror of possibly being the descendant of a monster who apparently isn't nearly as dead as he's meant to be. Meanwhile, her brain has taken an entirely different direction on him.

It is a practical direction, though. Survive first. Feel later.

She has always been good at surviving.

"It would make sense," he eventually agrees, once his brain has had a chance to catch up.

"Do you mind?" Rey cannot help asking then, a very different sort of worry filling her now. "Having me in your head, after a lifetime of..."

" _You_ are welcome," Ben promises her, pressing a reassuring kiss atop her head. "You also might be what's keeping him out."

Why else would it have stopped. Yes, that makes sense.

He doesn't ask if she's okay; knows that she isn't. What a stupid question it would be.

And he would, wouldn't he. The truth of his grandfather had been a surprise once, too. Broadcast to the galaxy on the news, as a scandal meant to end his mother's political career.

"What exactly did you see, Ben? When we first touched hands, and you saw my parents." She needs to know, if she's to have any hope of unraveling this. A Palpatine is hardly no one, after all, and she remembers so little. Could he be lying about being her grandfather? Just using it as a lure to bring them to him for some reason?

And yet, a pauper's grave had never quite aligned with her own memory, either. She didn't know who they had been or what they had looked like, but she certainly remembers that ship flying away and disappearing into atmo. Or had she fabricated that one, to give herself hope that they might return?

She doesn't know. She just plain doesn't know.

Ben does not share this memory with her, as he had those of his own childhood. As though he wants to spare her from having to carry it with her for the rest of her days.

Her sweet Ben, whom she loves so very much.

"It was just brief flashes, mostly. They were definitely junk traders, and you'd been on Jakku for a while," he tells her gently, wrapping her up in his arms - enfolding her within the shelter of his body, really, and she knows she is safe here. Dawn doesn't seem to mind it, either. "But I did... I did see them bargaining with the Crolute. Haggling over your worth, before they left you with him. You were good at finding things of value, they told him." He is so quiet by now, Rey can barely even make out the words. He doesn't want to be saying them, doesn't want to hurt her any more than she has already been hurt, but she needs to hear it now. "Their only real concern seemed to be how much alcohol it would get them."

It still hurts, to hear it. To think she had been sold by her own parents, and not even because they were starving and unable to care for her, but because they wanted a drink. But the pain is also less than it might have been; her past, whatever it may be, has ultimately lead her here, in Ben's arms, their baby tucked between them. Here, where she is loved, and will never be alone again.

"And the pauper's grave?" she pressed softly.

Ben flushes a little, and Rey suddenly finds herself grinning the teensiest bit, as though she cannot help it. She knows it is coming before he can even open his mouth to say the words.

She has never felt him feeling so utterly _sheepish_ before, and it is absurdly endearing.

"I may have... extrapolated that, from the evidence available," he confesses, guiltily.

"You were embellishing."

"Yes," he admits, and she can _feel_ his apology. "Overall, a terrible attempt at a proposal, really. I was just... so desperate to keep you with me."

She gives him a reassuring kiss. "I understand," she promises.

She will likely never quite stop regretting her own choice in that throne room, when she had reached out not for his hand, but for her weapon. So much lost time, and so much unnecessary hurt - for the both of them.

How long would it have taken Ben, she wonders, to realize she was pregnant? Would it have taken her fainting and winding up in medical, or would he have picked up on the signs before that? (Sooner, her instincts tell her - so much sooner.)

He would also know all that she, well, hadn't, she supposes. Which she still really does need to tell him. But not now. They already have more than enough to deal with, for today.

And she has already put off telling him for this long.

"He could be lying," she cannot quite seem to help voicing, at long last.

"He could," Ben agrees, allowing her to grasp for that cold comfort. Anything that might help in the moment, really, and allow her to keep going.

Dawn begins to fuss a little then, and BB-9M is there to chirp about it being her feeding time. Right breast, this time. And a reminder that Rey is due for a pump later.

It is a relief, in a way, to have to focus her attention on their little one for a while. To be forced to take a break from this new reality. Ben joins them on the couch as she feeds their precious girl, his arm wrapped around them, his head gently resting against hers.

Dawn isn't worried about who her great-grandfather may or may not be. And perhaps she is right.

There are no monsters _here_ , and this is what matters.

"Pryde knew," Rey finally voices aloud. "We're going to have to find out what else he knows."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to the wonderful @WinterLucifer for the banner art! You are amazing! <3

Rey was right; the Jedi texts _did_ mention an Exegol.

According to the _Rammahgon_ , it is one of the oldest bastions of the Sith, hidden deep within the Unknown Regions. An ancient remnant left over from a time when the dark siders openly ruled over the galaxy.

It can only be found with the help of a Sith wayfinder now.

And for once, the legendary Luke Skywalker has actually managed to help them, if only in the form of the notes he's left behind. For he had sought Exegol once, as well. Had searched for a wayfinder rumoured to have belonged to the Emperor himself.

He had abandoned the search though, when the trail went cold on the desert planet of Pasaana. They would not share in that luxury; couldn't afford to fail.

Palpatine could hardly be expected to remain on Exegol forever, after all. Especially now that he'd revealed himself to the galaxy.

They leave the Allegiant General in charge, and BB-9M to see what he does in their absence.

The First Order has a proven tendency to underestimate droids, after all.

* * *

Dawn goes with them, to Pasaana. Rey isn't going without her, and she _is_ going.

She isn't a complete idiot, of course - certainly, when they go to meet the monster who claims to be her grandfather, Dawn cannot go with them. It's too dangerous, and Rey will not endanger her child like that. And she knows she likely shouldn't bring her to Pasaana, either, though it is hardly so dangerous, but--

_The ship is flying away, the cruel desert sun glinting upon the metallic hull, an even crueler hand gripping her arm, telling her to be quiet, and they are_ leaving her--

She is not leaving her Dawn. Not until she absolutely has to. And then she is _coming back_.

Ben seems to understand without even having to ask. Just holds her for a while. Soothes her. Braids her lengthening hair (beloved, precious, cherished), though few remain who would even be able to read it. Dawn babbles happily in her arms, eager little hands reaching out as she decides she wants to be more a part of things.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Ben assures their little one, pressing a gentle kiss upon her brow, even as he quite deftly keeps Rey's hair free of her grasping fingers. "As soon as you're old enough, I'll teach you to braid momma's hair too." He lowers his voice then, as though imparting a secret just for her, "And maybe we can teach your momma how to do it, too."

And when the time comes, he helps Rey don the baby carrier that will allow her to keep Dawn close to her chest (her heart), while leaving her hands free. Just in case.

They have their Knights with them. It will be fine. Pasaana's only real inhabitants are the Aki-Aki, and they are peaceful. If there is any danger, it will come from the desert itself - and Rey knows how to survive there. Even if she and Dawn are the only ones willing to forsake the ensembles of all black in favour of practicality.

Luke's coordinates lead them to a largely empty desert. As if even in his old notes, he didn't want to be _too_ helpful. But with all the lovely sensors on Ben's beautiful _Upsilon_ -class command shuttle (so beautiful Rey had once stupidly stopped in the midst of an attack on Takodana just to gape at it), it doesn't take them long to identify a few points of interest to start with.

Mostly caves. A couple tunnels, created by the local fauna (some sort of large snake, Rey suspects, hopefully not too much like the nightwatchers of Jakku).

And an old ship, long since abandoned.

Rey doesn't pay it much attention, at first. It is their... sixth? seventh? stop already, and they've had no luck so far. They've just taken a break to feed Dawn, and she is hoping their little one might fall asleep in her carrier now (so far, she seems quite thrilled by the adventure, and hasn't caught a wink). But eventually her attention returns to the mission at hand, and the ship on an outcropping just ahead.

The sun is glinting off the hull. Rey doesn't realize she has stopped in her tracks, doesn't register Ben's sudden concern, doesn't hear him calling her name, asking if she's alright. She is back on Jakku, screaming for her parents to come back as an impatient Unkar Plutt pulls on her arm, demanding she be quiet - and she had meant to be, had meant to be brave for them, but they are _leaving her_ , and she _can't!_

_Arms are wrapping around her in a familiar embrace - arms that have always meant home and safety and_ love _but are now shaking,_ trembling _, and Rey has never been so afraid. Something is happening, her parents are frightened, and she has never seen her momma cry like this before--_

And then Ben is there, his face all that she can see for a moment, along with the unmistakable fear in his eyes. Those impossibly big hands of his are curled around her upper arms, gentle but firm, and quite possibly the only reason she's still upright.

"Rey?" he is pleading with her, and she is soothing him across the bond before she can even begin to piece together what's happened. "Please tell me you're alright?"

They are... on the ground. She is kneeling in the sand, and cannot remember how she got there. Her face is wet. Has she been crying?

_Oh,_ she realizes. She _is_ crying.

"It's the same ship," she is then, rather nonsensically, telling him. And he doesn't have a clue what she's talking about, but is _so glad_ she is talking, that she is back from whatever just happened. She can feel the relief rushing through him, tempering his panic. She is clutching at his (ridiculous, for the desert) coat, isn't sure when it happened, cannot seem to let go. "The day my parents left, it's... That's the same ship."

And they had _loved_ her. Whatever else had happened, she had been _loved_.

He is holding her now, and Rey isn't ashamed to admit that she needs it. She cries as she shares with him what she saw, what she _felt_. She still doesn't understand, not really, but whatever the truth is, it _hurts_.

They are still on the ground, she realizes eventually. Dawn has finally fallen asleep, the familiar space between them that seems to exist just for her apparently precisely what she'd needed (and she has a grip on Ben's coat now, too).

Their Knights have surrounded them protectively, though there doesn't appear to be another soul for miles around. They are worried for her too, though not near so much as Ben.

The unspoken question hangs heavy in the air around them.

What would the ship her parents had left on be doing here, where they are searching for a wayfinder?

The only way to find out is to go look. For the first time in her life, Rey wonders if she really wants to know.

"You're not alone," her bondmate reminds her, forehead gently pressing against her own.

"Neither are you," she echoes with relief, and cannot help but smile.

They are never alone. Not now that they have each other. Not ever again, if they have anything to say about it.

She can do this. With him, she can do anything.

Rey lets Ben help her to her feet, and they go to find some answers.

* * *

It's a relatively small ship, all things considered. Long untouched. Filthy. The scavenger in Rey is astonished it has been left alone like this, cannot quite help calculating how many portions a find like this might have been able to get her - especially upon discovering it still has power. Even the lights still work. But this isn't Jakku, and she doesn't have to worry about portions anymore.

There is something that looks like very old, dried blood on the floor, and for a moment, Rey thinks she can hear a woman screaming.

Their search of the ship is extensive. Rey even pulls a few things apart, looking for possible hiding places, for any kind of clue that might tell her about her parents, or about the wayfinder, but the most interesting things they find are just a questionably large supply of blaster rifles and pistols, and a small droid in need of charging and maintenance. They will take the latter with them, when they go.

The navicomputer has been wiped so thoroughly clean it can only have been intentional.

Acaadi goes back to the shuttle for them, to contact the _Steadfast_ and see what they can learn about the ship and its owner.

The _Bestoon Legacy_ , as it is apparently called, turns out to have belonged to one Ochi of Bestoon - an assassin, and known associate of Yupe Tashu, who had been one of the Emperor's closest advisors. An interesting connection, but not one that actually tells them a whole lot. Tashu had died during the Battle of Jakku, well before Rey had even been born, and Oshi himself has been missing for over a decade.

But there is nothing to suggest the Emperor himself had ever known or had contact with the assassin, though it isn't impossible. No real reason to believe her parents had anything to do with him, beyond Rey's memory of the ship itself. They are still left guessing.

Ben is shaking his head, frustrated, as he comes to join Rey outside for a break and some fresh air. "Something's here, I can feel it. We just aren't finding it."

They have a good view from up here. To most, a desert is simply a desert, with little to distinguish one patch of sand from another. But Rey knows this sort of landscape, cannot help but notice the little variations that can mean the difference between life and death. Like some strangely coloured patches of sand not far below.

"Sinking fields," she finds herself murmuring, more to herself than anyone else, though Ben certainly catches it. A suspicion is blooming in her mind, almost fully formed.

The ship is still functional. There is no reason for it to have been abandoned here, and this is no spaceport from which he might easily have boarded another. So if the abandonment wasn't intentional...

"We need to find out what's down there."

* * *

What's down there, as it turns out, is more tunnels. And with eight Force-users present, it is hardly difficult to clear a way down. So in they all go.

Vaylin lets out a derisive snort, when they come upon what is most likely Ochi's speeder (it would appear Rey's suspicion had been a good one). "Looks like our boy Ochi was a fan," she observes, indicating some sort of symbol on proud display.

The others are immediately groaning. Whatever it means, it hasn't exactly garnered their respect.

"It's a hex charm," Qordis explains, upon noticing her confusion. "Traditionally used by Sith assassins, but later appropriated by the Acolytes of the Beyond and their ilk. A bunch of cultists who know nothing of the Force, yet revere the Sith and the dark side."

"Sith fanboys," is Vaylin's succinct, and decidedly derisive, summary.

Ben even goes so far as to break the thing off, letting it fall amidst the sand at his feet with a look of disgust. There are no Sith here, after all, and it is long since time to let such old things die.

Ochi's bones aren't far away. It is impossible to know whether he'd drowned in the sand, or died later within the tunnels themselves, but it doesn't really matter; they have found him, either way. Him, and a knife half-buried alongside him. An awful thing, full of screams and agony.

Rey can feel it calling to her, before she's even realized what it is. She hesitates, dread unfurling in her belly at the thought of touching it. But they are looking for clues, _need_ them, and this may well be one.

She pulls it free of the sand.

_"She isn't on Jakku. She's gone," her mother is insisting, desperate and afraid._

_("Rey, be brave," she had told her, even as she struggled against her own tears.)_

_The knife's wielder believes her. Already has his orders. Plunges the blade into a man's (her father's?) belly. Her mother is screaming._

_("You'll be safe here," he had promised, with tears in his eyes.)_

_Then the blade is silencing her, too._

Ben eases the knife from her hand. Encourages her to lean into him and the warm shelter of his body, as he wraps an arm around her and holds her close. Lets her hide her face against his shoulder as she gives in and allows the tears to fall.

"He killed them," she is telling him, the words escaping whether she wills it or not; they are muffled, as she is speaking them directly into his silly coat. "They tried to protect me, and he killed them."

They had loved her. Protected her.

And they were gone.

Rey is suddenly exhausted, and more than ready to head home. She has had enough for one day. More than enough, really. But the wayfinder...

"We can go," Ben assures her, with a soothing kiss atop her head. Almost as though he has heard her thoughts. "We have what we need."

The knife, she supposes. Perhaps. In the moment, she doesn't really care - only cares that they can _go_. If Ben says they have what they need, then that is enough.

Rey doesn't remember their return to the shuttle. Is quiet on the way back to the _Steadfast_ , curled within the safety of her bondmate's arms. It is a relief, to eventually fall asleep there, and escape it all for a while.

She thinks perhaps she dreams of them. Her parents. Little memories sparking to life, now that there's something there to jog them.

When she wakes, she thinks perhaps she can still recall the feel of her mother's fingers in her hair, gently arranging it in those three little buns she'd worn for so long, in the hope they might recognize her. The feel of her father's stubble tickling her skin, as he plants a kiss upon her cheek. She certainly remembers the warmth of their love.

Everything they had done had been to keep her safe, and she aches with the knowledge.

Ben is laid out on the floor nearby, with Dawn held up in the air above him, giggling and squealing with pure delight as he gently swoops her about, making TIE fighter noises for her. It has become her favourite game, and he is always happy to play it with her - even if it happens to be too soon after feeding time, and he's likely to get sicked on. (He never does seem to mind that though, not even when he's busy posturing for command.)

And Rey wouldn't change anything, would she. Even if she somehow could. Because this is what the past has ultimately brought her, and she wouldn't trade it for anything.

This, after all, is where she's meant to be.

* * *

The blade, as it turns out, has been inscribed with Sith runes. And of course Ben can read them.

The Emperor's wayfinder is in the Imperial vault, at delta 3-6, transient 9-3-6, bearing 3-2, on a moon in the Endor system.

_From the southern shore, only this blade tells._ Whatever that means.

Its resting place rather suggests it had been on the Death Star, so Ben gets the old plans to help them find the vault. He will bring the knife as well, just in case.

It is the little droid, D-0, that ultimately fits together the disparate pieces of the puzzle for them. For all the care Ochi had put into wiping his navicomputer, he had been rather careless about his droid (but then, many people were).

He hadn't been kind to it either, and the poor little thing is skittish. Rey hopes it will be able to learn to trust, in time. For now, it seems to have made friends with BB-9M, who is looking after it.

Ochi had been sent to fetch Rey for Palpatine, and had thus needed a wayfinder in order to bring her to Exegol. So he had been provided with the knife, and it's directions to one.

His mission had gone wrong, though. Rey's parents had been able to sell her to Plutt before he found them, forcing him to take them instead, in the hope he might yet be able to pry (torture) her location from them. But they had stuck to their story - that she was gone, lost, perhaps already dead - until the very end.

With no further use for them, Palpatine had given the order to kill them. Not long after, Ochi had made a stop on Pasaana, and disappeared into the sinking fields. Thus his hunt for a little girl had come to an abrupt end.

Palpatine has found her now, though. In a manner of speaking. And she can hardly ignore his call.

If only to see him dead once and for all.

It is certainly becoming harder to pretend that the old Emperor may be lying, that his blood doesn't run through her veins. Was that where the lightning had come from? Did that mean something?

_"Let me see them,"_ she had once begged of the strange mirror on Ahch-to. _"My parents."_

_Who am I?_ she had really been asking.

Was it her blood that decided, in the end? Where she came from? Or was it for her to decide?

The mirror had shown her herself. Had that actually been the answer? Or simply the darkness, promising answers yet providing none...

_"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That's the only way to become who you were meant to be."_

At the very least, Rey knows she was right about one thing; Pryde _had_ underestimated her droid. And he has been talking to his _real_ master.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Festival of the Ancestors, I'm afraid. Sorry you guys! But Rey's pregnancy delayed things by a few months, so it would've been over by the time they got there. Hopefully you can forgive me!
> 
> It would've been a security nightmare anyway, if you think about it. "Just Rey" and her friends is one thing, but the Supreme Leader and his family? Likely would've ruined the festival, really. Another fic, perhaps. ;)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banner art by the wonderful @WinterLucifer <3

It would seem Allegiant General Pryde has been in contact with the former-Emperor Palpatine for quite some time. And now Rey's clever little BB-9M has a recording of their most recent conversation. _Proof_. Irrefutable and absolute, should they choose to use it.

They have to give the general some credit, of course; he is an observant man, and apparently sees a great deal. But not _everything_. And he has a tendency to allow his own view of the galaxy (and lust for power) to colour all that he does. (Thanks the stars.)

Because of Pryde, Palpatine knows now that she has completed the construction of her own lightsaber. How her training is progressing. How far she has come. Rey does not doubt he has heard about the lightning. About her kill, and the utter lack of remorse she has shown (or indeed, still feels) for it. (No one threatens her family. _No one_. She will not feel guilty for _surviving_.)

He will know that she and Kylo Ren are lovers, as well as master and apprentice. That she has quite thoroughly succumbed to passion and attachment. That she will never be a Jedi.

It never does seem to occur to anyone that this does not automatically make her a Sith, either. That perhaps they can choose to be something in between. And she does look rather dark, she supposes, when viewed through such a lens.

Pryde cannot imagine anyone failing to succumb to the allure of power, once they've had a taste. Assumes he understands her motivations. There is likely a good chance that Palpatine is the same.

Dawn is seen as her greatest weakness, of course, her clear attachment and love for her child deemed a lamentable failing. Even Kylo Ren's affection for their little girl is apparently a disappointment. But it is also seen as an exploitable one, and Rey doesn't doubt for a moment that they won't hesitate to use it against her and Ben should it be deemed necessary. They will have to make sure she is far from both Exegol and the _Steadfast_ , when the time comes.

The old Emperor has been assured that the majority of the council can be counted upon to support her as the True Heir of the Empire, and that the rest should be easy enough to sway.

He also knows they have been to Pasaana. That they found Ochi's ship. And if he has not yet been informed of their success in finding the blade and its instructions, Rey does not doubt he soon will be. And that they are on their way to the Endor system next.

It is treason, what Pryde has been doing. Currying favour with one master, while still answering to another. And yet, they may need him still. The rest of Command's loyalties remain decidedly more fluid, whereas Pryde can at least be counted upon to fear the Emperor's wrath enough to avoid any power grabs for himself - to avoid anything that might compromise the Sith Lord's plans. They may need to use that.

They may be able to use his tattling as well, perhaps.

And then, of course, there are the secrets that must be lurking inside his head. He cannot possibly be playing such a crucial role in the old monster's plans without knowing _something_. But they will have to be cautious, here. If the information is to be of any real use, Palpatine cannot know they have it. That they have even _tried_.

It may be time to have some new robes made, as well. First impressions are important, after all, and Rey would hate to _disappoint_.

It is a good thing her skills in deception have been improving; it would appear she may be putting on quite a show soon.

* * *

Pryde is left in charge again, when they go. And BB-9M remains to watch him, this time with the little D-0 to help. With luck, they may be able to capture another conversation between him and Palpatine, but even if not, it is important to keep him from realizing anything has changed. To keep things the same as before. To let him think they trust him.

Dawn goes with them, of course, once again strapped to Rey's chest, and clearly thrilled by the prospect of another adventure. The Knights of Ren will help to keep them all safe - and in their search, for that matter. If nothing else, the extra eyes are likely to come in handy.

There are no cities on Kef Bir. No known settlements. It should be fine.

In truth, they are lucky the wayfinder even ended up on one of the moons with a breathable atmosphere; only two in the system are remotely habitable, and their destination just happens to be one of them. The Force at work, perhaps, if it even works that way at all.

They land on the southern shore initially, to get a look at the wreckage, and in case its mention on Ochi's blade is somehow important. It is but a small piece of what had once been the second Death Star, yet even still, it is enormous - and clearly badly eroded, even from this far away. Rey has never scavenged in conditions like these before (it is wet, and cold, and cloudy, and she cannot even imagine how bad the water damage is likely to be), but she is certainly no stranger to scaling the old bones of the Empire.

The waves are... _mountainous_. Violent. Like nothing Rey could ever have imagined, even after witnessing the vast oceans of Ahch-to. It is possible the wreck itself plays a part, its size perhaps enough to wreak havoc upon the area's weather systems. But there are also a great many moons in the system, to play upon the tides.

Ben pulls up the old Death Star's plans, and they begin to go over them as best they can, looking to determine precisely which bit lays before them, and where a vault is most likely to be found. It takes time, of course; Dawn gets hungry again, and Rey takes a break to feed her back on the ship (where it is warm and dry, and Dawn seems much less a fan of this new environment than Pasaana's), while Ben and their Knights continue the search.

And the Force must somehow have been at play in all this, because this little piece of the Death Star somehow contains the Emperor's _throne room_ , and an adjoining vault meant especially for him. The wayfinder can hardly be anywhere else. Perhaps this part of their search will not be so difficult after all.

They fly over, obviously, landing their shuttle as close to their destination as they safely can. In the end, Rey needs to do very little actual scaling. Force-jumps are far more practical anyway, especially when she has her little girl with her (and Dawn loves it, of course, the feeling of flying through the air with her mother, even if it is wet and cold and the spray of the water unpleasant).

And then they are stepping into the decaying throne room, and Rey is hit with what may well be the most powerful sense of déjà vu she has ever experienced.

She has been on this stage before, she realizes. Just a newer, more modern (and frankly, more ostentatious) version of it.

There would have been a lift there behind her. What remains of the throne is ahead. And there... there is the viewport, practically shining a spotlight on the orchestrated show that would have been playing out against a backdrop of stars.

She had heard the story from Leia, of how Darth Vader had presented Luke to the Emperor. Of the old monster's delight in forcing the young Jedi to watch as the rebel ships were picked off one by one, until he finally lost his temper. Yet even then, she hadn't put the pieces together. Drawn the parallels.

Had his lightsaber perhaps rested on the arm of the throne, too? To the Emperor's right, even? The hilt pointed carefully away, of course. It never would occur to him that someone might turn it without him realizing.

How could they not have realized it sooner? She hadn't known the story at the time, but _still_... Snoke had been reenacting Palpatine's own little play with her and Ben that day. _Of course_ the Emperor had been behind it, behind Snoke himself. How could he not have been?

She begins to ask Ben if he sees it too, but--

"Yes," he is answering already. "I see it."

And he doesn't like that it had escaped him until now, either.

Rey claims his hand, and they press forward together. They will finish what Anakin started. Kill the Emperor. And this time, no one is going to die doing it. ( _Please._ )

The vault doors grind open seemingly of their own accord, with an ominous screeching of rusted metal.

Eerie.

Or perhaps something recognizing her as _his_ , which is hardly any consolation.

And there it is, waiting for them. The wayfinder.

It should be a relief, to have found it. Exhilarating even, considering just how long it has been lost. Instead... instead Ben's arms are suddenly around her, supporting her as her legs abruptly give out beneath her. Rey still goes down, but her landing is a gentle one now, and he descends with her.

It takes her a moment, to realize he is encouraging her to _breathe_. Another to register that she is, in fact, struggling to do so.

They can get to Exegol now, can go stop the Emperor... and Dawn cannot go with them. For the first time since, well, the other throne room, in a way, she will have to be more than a room away from her daughter.

So much further than a room away.

She will have to tell her goodbye, and send her away somewhere to keep her safe.

Rey doesn't know if she _can_. Thinks she might murder anyone who dares try and take her child from her just now, no matter the reason.

And yet she has to. She has to keep her baby safe.

She is clutching Dawn to her now, even as her legs refuse to work and her lungs struggle to bring in air ("breathe, love, just breathe," he is coaxing, trying not to panic, but she _can't_ ).

_"She's gone,"_ her mother had insisted, and then they had been _dead_ , never to come back for her, leaving her all _alone_ , and her father had promised she'd be safe there, but she hadn't been, not really, not without them to protect her. And now she is supposed to send away her Dawn?

"I can't," she is gasping, voice heavy with the sound of tears she hadn't even realized were falling. " _I can't_."

"Breathe, Rey, _please_ ," Ben pleads. "We don't have to go right away, we can take a few days, come up with a plan, but I need you to _breathe_ , love. Dawn needs you to breathe."

She is somehow able to force some air into her lungs at that, at the reminder that _Dawn needs her_.

"And we will come back," he tells her. "I promise we'll come back."

He can't promise that. Not really. But he has never lied to her before, and just now she _needs_ to believe it is true. Needs to believe that they will come back. That they are going to be alright. That they will get a happy ending.

At least he isn't trying to suggest she should let him go alone, that they haven't always been destined to face this _together_. She might have to thump him one, if he did.

Her throat is still tight with panic, but Ben's arms are around her, and Dawn is still here, and she can at least breathe again. Rey allows her head to fall back against his chest, resting against the man who has become her anchor. Soaking in the comfort and surety he offers.

"We'll send her with Vaylin, when you're ready," he soothes. Vaylin, who can blend in anywhere, as anyone - and who _adores_ their little girl. "To meet up with my mother, and go somewhere safe. She won't be alone."

She would still have a family to keep her safe. To _love_ her. And if even they don't know where, Palpatine cannot steal the information from them, no matter what happens.

Dawn will not only be safe, but loved. Cherished. _Happy_. As she should be.

"And then we will _come back_ ," he promises again.

_Please._

Rey doesn't know if the thought is his or hers. Perhaps it belongs to them both.

And then a precious little hand is nailing Rey right in the nose (ow), as Dawn finally begins to fuss and make her displeasure known. It is cold and damp, and this place isn't near as interesting as Pasaana had been, apparently. Their little one seems to have had quite enough.

They take the wayfinder, and go.

Ochi's blade is left behind, with the rest of the scrap. To be taken by the sea one day. It deserves to be forgotten.

* * *

Dawn sleeps with them, in their bed, that night. Rey cannot bear to be parted from her, and Ben isn't particularly keen on it, either.

She says something that sounds a bit like "mam" as they're all curled up under the blankets together, and of course Ben thinks it close enough to mum or mama to count. A rather optimistic interpretation, to Rey's mind; surely it shouldn't count if the intent itself isn't there, and there's no real reason to believe that it is. And it is still early, for their little one to be talking.

They agree to disagree, in the end - and it is the best disagreement Rey has ever had. She hadn't even realized it was possible for a disagreement to involve so much smiling and love and affection, a complete absence of raised voices or scowls.

Stars, but she loves him. Loves them both.

* * *

Two days later, the Allegiant General is summoned to their private quarters.

He is the first to be permitted entrance, beyond the Knights of Ren and those who had helped deliver Dawn. It further boosts his confidence with them, and Rey is beginning to get the feeling that this man may not be as wholly her grandfather's creature as Palpatine perhaps likes to believe. Instead, he rather strikes her as a man who is hedging his bets - determined to remain close to power, regardless of who actually wields it. It would certainly explain how eager he has been to curry her favour all this time. A bit slimy, really, and more than a little mercenary - but also something they can perhaps use, at least until they no longer have need of him themselves.

"I had rather expected you to wish to make for Exegol right away, my lady," Pryde admits, once the initial formalities have been taken care of.

He is confused by the decision to wait. Perplexed. _Good._ They want him off-balance, if only a little - it will help keep him distracted.

Rey gives a careless little shrug ( _elegant_ , apparently, if Ben's sudden thought is to be believed), even as she responds to Dawn's request to be picked up, swinging the little girl up into her arms. "My new robes aren't finished yet," she informs, as though she cannot possibly leave without them. "And we have been awfully busy the past few days. I desired a break."

_Perfect,_ Ben is projecting to her. She is the somewhat careless heir she is meant to be portraying, assured of the power she is due and quite at ease with it.

"Besides, I wished to speak with you first," she adds, bringing Dawn along with her as she moves to claim a seat on the couch - and motions for Pryde to join her. "Won't you join me for some tea?" It isn't an invitation really, more a politely posed command.

"I would be honoured, my lady," he assures, and takes a seat.

Ben - _Kylo Ren_ \- serves it, before claiming a seat of his own. In part because they are curious how Pryde (and Palpatine) might feel about him serving in such a role, but mostly because he is the one who has actually been trained in such things (courtesy of his mother, of course).

Rey still struggles with all the cutlery involved in a formal dining setting, after all. She is nowhere near ready for all the ridiculous ceremony involved in serving tea.

"Kylo tells me you served my grandfather in the days of the Empire," Rey then begins, once everyone has had a chance to settle and, most importantly, begin actually drinking their tea.

A good few sips, at least. It is not to be merely decorative.

"I did indeed, my lady," the older gentleman confirms with pride (he is aptly named, that's for certain). "It is an honour, to be able to continue to serve your family."

Her smile is a brilliant one, aimed at him, but more a result of the babe in her arms (who is currently curled into Rey's chest, and sucking on a stray piece of her mother's hair - Rey does not mind). "Did you know him?"

"I do not know that anyone could be said to have truly known him," Pryde admits, with deference and a feigned humility that doesn't fit him well at all. "But I did have the honour of working with him directly on a number of occasions."

Ben is enjoying the show, relishing the chance to watch her play the game she is coming to understand. He is so very _proud_ of her, and Rey preens a little (internally, of course) at the thought.

"Would you tell me about him?" she requests then, allowing just a hint of the lost, lonely child she had once been to slip through the cracks. Letting him think her vulnerable, at the thought of finally meeting her family. That she would, perhaps, like to please the old monster.

And thus she is able to keep him talking and distracted, as the little something extra in his tea goes to work, making him a little less alert and aware, his mind just that little bit more pliable. Just enough that Ben is confident he can ease his way inside without Pryde so much as noticing he's there.

The chosen subject matter should also make it easier for him to find whatever it is they're looking for.

* * *

Once Pryde has gone, Rey settles herself (and Dawn with her) in Ben's lap. Rests a gentle hand upon his face, even as their little one claims a handful of his coat in her tiny fist and snuggles up against him. "Tell me," Rey coaxes; she has never seen him looking so grim. Not even when he took her to Snoke.

His arms come around them as if on instinct, and his forehead comes to rest gently against hers. She does her best to soothe him over the bond, knowing he needs it, even if she isn't sure precisely why.

"He has a fleet, Rey," Ben eventually admits, voice thick as he tries to control the panic that threatens to well up inside of him until he's drowning in it. "Thousands of ships at the ready. And every one of them capable of destroying a planet."

Panic is... not an unreasonable response, really. Even if they were willing to risk declaring open war on Palpatine (and how many of their own would remain loyal?), they don't have the numbers to take on a force of that size. No one does. Not even if they could somehow ally themselves with the Resistance (unlikely). Or any other force in the galaxy, really.

Still, one of them panicking is quite enough. They'll just have to come at it from a more... unorthodox direction. And she tends to be fairly good at that, isn't she?

Rey suddenly finds herself wondering if the Emperor and his forces share in the First Order's propensity for underestimating droids.

And her, she supposes. They tend to underestimate her, as well.

"What else?" she presses, gently.

Feels it, as her continued calm serves to soothe him. They are so much stronger, when they are together.

Ben gives a little huff, and Rey tangles her fingers in his hair. Feels more than sees the small smile tugging at his lips.

"Palpatine's focus shifted from me to you shortly after you arrived," Ben admits, at last. "Pryde has mostly just been keeping him informed about you, and how you're progressing in your training. If I had to guess... I would say your display of Force lightning may have kicked things off, for whatever reason." It would certainly explain the timing of the Emperor's reveal, at any rate.

A sign of her Force abilities, perhaps? Or the darkness she's capable of? It's difficult to guess, without more information - and they will need Palpatine himself, for any hope of that. If it even matters, in the end.

"We're going to need more ship plans to look at," Rey ultimately decides, still muddling through the problem at hand. "I wonder whether they'll take after the old Empire ones, or the newer First Order ones more... Or perhaps a combination of the two?" She was fairly familiar with both, at this point. Surely that would prove helpful?

Another look at the Death Star plans might be a good idea too, as any planet-destroying technology is likely to be based upon it.

Planet-destroying... that might be something to think about, too.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banner art by the wonderful @WinterLucifer!

Rey cannot do it, in the end. Not really.

She may be the strongest person Ben has ever known (according to him), but she doesn't have the strength for this. To watch as her baby is taken away. As another ship leaves her behind.

Luckily, she is also self-aware enough to recognize it, when the time comes. No one gets hurt, and their cover doesn't get blown; instead she asks Ben to put her out for it, as he once had on Takodana, and he does - though it turns out she has to allow it now, which might be interesting under different circumstances.

Dawn is safely smuggled onto Vaylin's ship, along with all the breastmilk Rey has been able to pump and a few other necessities. The rest of the _Steadfast_ seems none the wiser. And then the Knight of Ren and Princess Dawn are off on their way. Gone.

Safe.

Rey cannot help her tears upon waking, cries for what feels like hours. Ben's eyes are not dry either, and for a long time they simply hold each other close, desperately seeking comfort in the presence of their other half, yet painfully aware that Dawn should be there in the otherwise nonexistent space between them. Where she belongs.

They have time for it, at least. The longer they take to leave, the more time Vaylin has to disappear before Pryde even realizes Dawn is missing - and the safer their girl will be.

Ben braids her hair again when the time comes, twining _warrior_ and _mother_ and _wife_ into the strands, even if the latter isn't strictly true yet (it feels true, at any rate). It is a familiar ritual between them by now, and proves blessedly soothing for them both; a much needed chance to simply breathe before donning their figurative masks and plunging into danger. Rey almost feels as though he has granted her an extra layer of protection, as though the very words themselves might be able to shield her when the time comes.

Finds herself wishing she knew how to braid his, too.

"We're coming back," Ben promises again as he secures the last pin, and presses a reassuring kiss upon the crown of her head. He thinks her magnificent, and makes sure she knows it.

She looks like a Sith queen, like the very darkest of his old fantasies come to life. The braids are regal, dignified; the billowing black robes menacing. The accents of red shimmersilk had been an excellent call. And when she draws her hood up, it casts her face into shadows eerie enough to have their own troopers shying away from her in the corridors as they pass.

Rey asks Pryde if he would like her to remember him to her grandfather, when he comes to see them off. As if she has no idea the two have spoken just recently, been in contact all along.

Dawn's absence cannot possibly have gone unnoticed, but it does go unremarked upon. If they are very, very lucky, perhaps the old general will assume she is already aboard and sleeping - though neither Rey or Ben are overly prone to trusting in luck.

They take the Supreme Leader's command shuttle, and once again leave the Allegiant General in charge. There is no one to watch him this time; they cannot afford to split their forces any further than they already have, and even BB-9M is coming with them. Either the First Order and its fleet will still be theirs upon their return, or it won't.

Acaadi Ren takes his usual place at the controls, with Kaox alongside him; the leaders of the First Order do not pilot their own shuttles, though this is the first time Rey hasn't minded. She loves to fly, loves the sense of freedom that comes of having those controls at her fingertips. But to pilot, she would have to let go of Ben's hand.

She isn't quite sure when she claimed it, but she certainly isn't about to let go. Isn't sure she could, even if her life somehow depended upon it. Fear wars with hope and sheer, bloody determination inside of her, and it is only his touch that is keeping her grounded. Ironic as it may seem to some, Ben is her light just now. Her anchor. The darkness cannot swallow her so long as she has him.

She would have been lost, trying to face this alone.

His own grip on her hand is reassuring. A promise that they will make it through this. That he will never let go.

That together, they can do anything.

They have so very much to lose. And Rey will claw her grandfather's eyes out with her bare fingernails if need be, before she lets him take _any_ of it. Isn't sure she could survive it, if he did.

* * *

Exegol is desolation and darkness, and steeped in the dark side of the Force - but this is nothing like the darkness she found in the cave on Ahch-to. This darkness is a heavy, cloying thing more akin to the almost oily sensation that came of using Force lightning. It feels off, as though it has been twisted somehow.

The Force's song here is wrong, discordant, sick. Had her grandfather somehow done this? The Sith who came before him? Rey is suddenly wondering how it sounded, _felt_ , when both Jedi and Sith had filled the galaxy - _two_ discordant notes constantly warring with each other for dominance? - and the mere thought is almost enough to inspire a headache.

There is life here, though this barren planet should be even less capable of supporting it than Jakku. She (they) can feel it teeming beneath the surface, hidden away, but there all the same. Ships need to be manned, she supposes. And they have to be hiding somewhere.

So downwards they go. Down into the darkness of a Sith Lord's lair.

Ben is suddenly remembering an old poem about a spider and a fly, and Rey is grateful not to know it; he doesn't seem to find the thought an encouraging one, and their welcome doesn't help.

"At last," that familiar, decrepit voice greets, echoing sourcelessly about the dark (temple?) chambers they have found themselves in. "Welcome home, my dear girl."

The pull of the darkness is inexorable; they don't need to know from whence the voice comes, when this twisted version of the Force will lead them there, can only end with him.

Machinery begins to replace the gargantuan statues amidst the gloom. A growing mess of wires and tanks and tubes that immediately have BB-9M's interest, and Rey's heart stutters for a moment as she finds herself almost face-to-face with a rather mangled version of Snoke immersed in some sort of liquid. Multiple Snokes, in fact. A puppet after all, it would seem. Ben's hand tightens around her own, and he draws her just that little bit closer into his side; they both draw strength from the gesture.

Borthis lets out a little, involuntary sound of disgust, and Rey cannot blame him; suspects they are all rather feeling it.

And then... then they are stepping through what almost appears to be a great crack in the wall, and finding themselves upon yet another stage of her grandfather's making.

The giant throne is rather hard to miss. It looms over them all, empty, the intended temptation clear. Rey wonders if it galled the old emperor not to sit upon it himself, given his clear propensity for the things. A chanting begins to fill the space, low at first but growing louder, stronger with each passing second. Power lays thick and heavy in the air.

They have an audience of what must be hundreds, perhaps even thousands. Chanting. Filled with anticipation. Rey cannot imagine anything _less_ tempting than the carrot that is being dangled before her.

She just wants Ben. Her Ben. And their precious little Dawn, and any other children that might follow. Love, family, belonging. She may be willing to put up with helping manage the galaxy in exchange, but this... she cannot imagine ever wanting any part of this.

She is just Rey, and this monster's name hasn't changed who she is at heart. She is who she has made herself, who she has chosen to be.

Perhaps the mirror had given her an answer, after all.

"It is your birthright to rule here, Empress Palpatine," that voice encourages, and there he is. What remains of the old Emperor and Sith Lord. "It is in your blood. Our blood."

He doesn't even stand on his own two feet, but dangles from some great mechanical arm, hooked up to dozens of wires and tubes that must be keeping him alive. It's like something out of a nightmare, certainly nightmar _ish_ , and yet there is something encouraging about knowing that he has been weakened in at least some respect. Anakin's sacrifice had not been for nothing.

Now they just need to finish what he started.

"But where is the little princess?" he then asks, as though he is some doting grandfather who had been looking forward to meeting the newest addition to his family.

And she shouldn't say it; it doesn't fit with the part she is meant to be playing, is too real. She knows it, and yet the word escapes her anyway. "Gone."

Her mother's voice reverberates through her head in the echo of an answer that is, itself, an echo. _"She's gone,"_ she had insisted, again and again, until they killed her.

Rey doesn't even know her name. It hurts, to not even know her parents' names - the names of those who had given up everything to keep her safe. Anger isn't far behind. And the only... _creature_ who might be able to tell her, she cannot trust to utter a single word of truth unless it suits him.

There are no answers here, beyond what she's already found. It's time to let old things die.

What was it Poe had always been saying, about plans not surviving contact with the enemy? Though if it's any consolation, the burst of anger she is now feeling from Palpatine rather suggests his plan isn't quite working out, either. That he knows what she is saying; who she is remembering.

"Useless fools, your parents." He is practically spitting the words, clearly still vexed by their rebellion. "Running from power, thinking they could keep you from me."

It would seem her grandfather has a temper, but that's fine because she does too.

"How embarrassing for you, that they succeeded," Rey cannot help but remind him, and oh, he doesn't like that.

It isn't a surprise when it happens, when the lightning sparks from his ruined fingertips. It is a surprise when he directs it at Ben rather than her, but they are so close still that it makes little difference for her aim (thank the stars - she may never let go of his hand again). And it is so very easy to find her own rage here.

Her lightning meets his own, before it can even hope to touch her Ben; she is snarling. Feral. A scavenger defending the haul she is willing to die over, as a cry of _MINE_ rises within and rings out across their bond (Ben accepts it readily, as easily as she has from him).

It _deflects_ it, and the electricity is sent arcing, wild and uncontrollable, throughout the room. Even Palpatine seems surprised for a moment. Then pleased.

Rey feels her stomach drop as dread promptly settles in, because that cannot be good.

"Again," the monster is then declaring, before sending a more sustained burst of Force lightning at them this time.

As though he is testing or training her.

Her response is immediate, of course, the need to protect what is hers a powerful one, but she will not be able to keep this up forever. This is only her fourth time using lightning, and there's no way she'll be able to match his for long.

But then Ben is offering up his own power from where their hands are still so tightly joined, a whole new wellspring of Force energy suddenly opening up to her, and yes, _they can do this_ \--

Something happens. There's a sudden burst of energy, light, and then all the lightning is abruptly gone.

The Emperor is looking down upon his regenerating fingertips with wonder. How...?

"A dyad in the Force..." he is muttering to himself, and yet this whole room is designed to amplify sound; it would be difficult _not_ to hear it. "Two that are one." Rey is not a fan of the sinister-looking grin that is taking over his face, though the words at least seem to find some meaning with Ben if not her. "A power like life itself."

Pain is all she knows for a moment, then. She is on her knees, clinging to Ben's hand as though her very life depends upon it and just plain trying to understand what has happened, what _is_ happening.

Their Knights are moving in, only to be met by Palpatine's red-clad guards. A fight breaks out, but it is a distant thing at the moment, secondary to the pain, to the overwhelming force that is keeping her and Ben on the ground, to the desperate need to keep hold of his hand as every instinct she possesses screams at her that to let go now would be to lose him.

The old Sith is doing something, draining them somehow, and growing stronger because of it.

_No, no, no..._

"And now the power of two restores the one true Emperor."

Stars, but he loves to hear himself talk - and then Ben is actually choking out a sound that might have been a laugh, though she hadn't meant to share that thought, but at least she got to make him laugh one last time.

Then Palpatine gives a sudden jerk. A spasm overtakes him. Whatever he is doing stops for a moment, and she and Ben are collapsing, gasping for breath, but still clinging to each other's grasp ( _I'm okay, I'm here, I'm okay,_ ringing out across their bond from both sides). Rey is already reaching for the lightsaber still clipped to her belt, painfully aware that this may only have bought them a moment, that this is their _chance_ , even as she wonders if she will be able to find the strength to stand.

The supposed-emperor lets out a wet-sounding gasp, and finally goes still. Limp.

Dead.

Rey finally releases her bondmate's hand and forces herself to her feet with a lurch that is more willpower than anything else, and nearly topples right back over again for her trouble; would have, if not for Ben's steadying hand from down below on one side, and Qordis Ren catching her on the other. Their Knights are coming to join them now, surrounding them protectively, and another Praetorian Guard has fallen.

Seviss and Kaox help Ben to his feet, keep him steady as he works to recover. It is Qordis who ends up helping Rey reach the body of her grandfather, even though she can feel herself swaying on her feet every step of the way (she has _never_ felt so drained).

Her blade ignites with that brilliant blue light, and she swings, cutting through the metal arm and its offers of life-support - just in case. She then uses it to remove the monster's head from his shoulders, because it never hurts to be thorough.

Even with enough poison to take down a rancor, she hadn't been certain it would work. Frankly, the medical set up had made things _much_ easier than expected.

"Thanks, BB," she tells her faithful little droid, as it comes rolling over to join her, chirping happily away over its success.

There is rather a lot of staring happening, mainly at her and the now deceased Emperor, though both Ben and their Knights are still managing to keep a watchful eye on their now very quiet audience at the same time.

She _may_ not have actually shared this part of the plan with anyone, just in case.

Rey gives a little shrug as she returns her lightsaber to her belt. "Poison," she provides, which of course begs the question of where she'd gotten it. "From Vaylin." No further explanation needed there - it was one of the absent knight's specialties.

And then it is time to actually address their audience. Rey raises her voice, and fills it with every bit of command she has learned to wield in recent months. "I'll inspect my new flagship now, thank you." (Because manners never hurt anyone.)

Silence reigns for several more minutes. Nobody moves. And then Ben is coming to stand alongside her, their hands immediately finding each other again.

There is a spark of what Rey almost wants to call malicious glee lighting up his eyes for a moment. The muscles in his face twitch ever so slightly as he fights back a grin. And then he is promising to explain everything later through their bond, even as his own voice now echoes throughout the room.

"You would deny your Sith'ari?"

There is an implicit threat behind the words that she doesn't understand, any more than she understands the word itself. Their audience knows it, however. And whatever it might mean, it certainly yields results.

* * *

They are the Sith Eternal, and they build very nice ships, she has to give them that. Ridiculously large ships, of course, but when has the Empire, First Order, and now (apparently) the so-called Final Order ever settled for anything less? (Vaylin would be making a joke about compensation were she here, and Rey can practically hear it even in her absence.)

Shame they won't be able to keep it. The scavenger in her is appalled at the thought of such waste, but the technology is too dangerous to risk. No more worlds will be threatened with such destruction on her watch.

Her strength is returning, though not as quickly as she'd like. Ben is helping; she can feel him drawing on the Force in a way she hasn't learned yet, strengthening himself and then siphoning some of it to her through their joined hands. She's back to refusing to let go again, and he certainly isn't complaining.

A dyad, Palpatine had called them. The word is meaningless to Rey, but had seemed to resonate with Ben. Something for them to research together later, she supposes. If it matters. He is hers and she is his, and so long as they are together she isn't sure how much the rest actually matters - but her Ben likes to _know_ things, is always wanting to figure things out, so research is very likely to be done, and she won't leave him to do it alone.

At the moment she's more interested in this Sith'ari business, if only because of Ben's reaction to it. She can still feel his amusement every time another of these cultists sets to practically _fluttering_ around her. This clearly isn't how they had been expecting things to go, yet they are now very eager to please. And perhaps more than a little in awe.

It makes her skin crawl, to be honest. She doesn't want to be worshiped. (She wants to reclaim her baby and go home, but too many loose ends yet remain, thousands of them, and they aren't finished here yet.)

"Is she ready to fly?" Rey finally asks as their tour of her supposed flagship is concluding, though she already knows it must be. Her grandfather would not have risked revealing his location before his fleet was ready to defend him.

Watches, when the crew get to work preparing for liftoff, to show her how the _Derriphan_ flies. She wanders the bridge, observing and talking, asking questions about what this does, and how that works, and what these controls are for. It isn't terribly different from what she's done back on the _Supremacy_ , to be honest, but there she had engaged with them because they were a part of her new home (and, simply put, because she finds she likes people and cannot quite help herself). Not to mention her genuine desire to learn. She has a decidedly different purpose in mind this time.

Should, perhaps, feel guilty for it. But there will be plenty of time for that later. Just now, she has a job to finish, and it is the only thing standing between her and the familiar (if ever growing) weight of Dawn in her arms.

Her breasts are aching and heavy with milk, and she is going to need to pump soon, no matter how much she hates the thought of anything but her baby's mouth upon them just now.

Acaadi finally rejoins them, which means their shuttle is safely aboard. He has her bag with him, meaning he has her pump with him, meaning she suddenly has the perfect excuse to--

"Clear the bridge," she demands, as they come to a stop amidst the stars.

Blind obedience is a definite cultist downfall, in Rey's opinion. Most of them move to do as they've been told without so much as a second thought. Possibly not even a _first_ thought, really, it's just that immediate. Only a few of the more senior officers fail to obey, and even they don't actually seem suspicious - just confused.

Clearly empresses don't pilot their own star destroyers, either. Though once a ship reaches this size, it rather loses the appeal to her mind.

But Rey is already reaching out an impatient hand for her bag, which Acaadi is automatically handing her. Ben is picking up on just how uncomfortable she is, even if she is also definitely up to something, and is immediately helping her free the breast pump from the bag.

She undoes a single clasp at the collar of her robes, not revealing a kriffing thing, and yet the room is suddenly clear of all but her, Ben, and their Knights.

And BB-9M, who goes ahead and plugs into the console.

It is surprisingly easy to destroy a planet, in the end. It shouldn't be, but it is - if you can ignore the feel of all those lives being so suddenly extinguished in the Force, anyway. Ben tries to shield her from it, but even so...

Later. She will deal with it later. Survival first.

She will not be sorry for keeping her family and the _galaxy_ safe.

She has taken care of Palpatine. And the cloning facility. And most of the creepy cultists. And a fleet of thousands of planet-destroyers.

Only a single ship remains, and they are currently on it.

And... and she never did figure out the next step, did she.

_Kriff._

She'd stuck a metaphorical pin in it to worry about later, and then forgotten about it entirely. At least she has a moment to just stop and pump now. Maybe something will finally come to her.

And of course, she doesn't have to find the answer alone, either.

* * *

When Rey finally gets around to admitting to having run out of plans, nobody seems to mind. Borthis even goes so far as to throw his head back and laugh in genuine amusement, while Seviss mutters something about at least not being completely useless.

Kaox wants to know what she'd ever even needed the rest of the Resistance for, beyond standing around and trying not to look completely unnecessary, because she probably could have liberated the galaxy all on her own if she'd wanted to.

No wonder they had always seemed to lose, Acaadi observes.

Ben is just smiling in that knowing way of his that says he always knew she was brilliant, and plants an affectionate kiss upon her lips. "I think we can manage things from here," he promises.

They use Rey's knowledge of the vents and power ducts to get to their shuttle with little trouble. The majority of the _Derriphan_ 's crew don't seem to have realized what's happened yet, but it's better to be safe than sorry. And the less Rey has to deal with them, the better. Vacating the ship isn't much more difficult; without its pilots standing by awaiting the call to battle, the hangar appears rather understaffed. Those few that are present have no reason to stop them, either, especially when they have the Force on their side.

Seven Force users is also more than enough to cripple a star destroyer from a distance, as it turns out. The poor ship will not last much longer, and it certainly won't be making any jumps to lightspeed.

Now to find Vaylin.

And Dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the Force lightning: Mother Talzin was able to deflect Sidious' lightning with her own in the Clone Wars comics, as well as draw more power for it from Maul, so this is at least kind of canon? Further research left me with the impression that the Force lightning must be equally powerful in order for it to work this way though, hence the surprise. Serves him right for underestimating his own granddaughter.
> 
> The Sith'ari comes from the Book of Sith, which also lays out Palpatine's plans for immortality through the use of clones. There will be more about it next chapter.


End file.
